Carys Weldon Blog

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Don't Date Him

I woke up to some funny emails this morning. I'm sure I mentioned that my inbox is horrendous. I have three separate email addresses funneling into one box. I average about 2000 a day. Yeah, some are jokes, some are spam, but surprisingly not enough of them.

Those are easy to get rid of with a quick delete. But every now and then I come across a spam mail that is just too intriguing not to read all the way through.

The big hints in the newsletter (titled Don't Date Him Girl) are for those who are yet unattached. I thought it was interesting because it echoes the feelings of my hero in Candy Kisses and Levi's Jeans. Levi has a big trail of bad dates who talked about their past boyfriends, or the father of their children, and bad experiences, so by the time he meets Candy, he's put the word out to his cousin Erica (the one that sets them up) to say that he's looking for someone who doesn't have the baggage.

Now, I don't want you to think Levi's a jerk because he said that. He isn't opposed to meeting a woman with children or hearing about her life previous to him. He's opposed to meeting a woman who hasn't gotten over her last relationship. There is a difference. And, honestly, the older we get, the more emotional baggage we pack with us.

So, Levi gets lucky because Candy doesn't have anybody in her past that she needs to talk about. She's been pretty picky--which is why she's still single in her mid to late 20's. I say power to women who don't settle for losers just because they're lonely and want a guy in their lives.

In this email I received this morning, it talks about date etiquette and how people don't really want to hear about your one night stand in Jamaica (TRAMP!) or your old boyfriend (YOU AREN'T DONE WITH HIM APPARENTLY!). And the last bit was a little sexist. It said that a girl shouldn't bring up sex on the first date...because that suggests (again) TRAMP. The guy will either take advantage or dump you fast because he thinks you do it with everybody...even if you're saying I DON'T HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE SO DON'T EVEN THINK IT BUDDY.

Someone told me they always told guys they didn't do it until the sixth date. (Was this in a movie? I can't remember the source.) But they always gave in before the sixth date. That made the guy feel special.

I say, hold your horses, and your knees together. There are too many diseases there to give in easily. Make the guy work for it. (I like the old fashioned concept of him buying the ring and putting it on your finger with a vow first. Then you know he's there for the long haul.) It's not like you can't use a massager in the meantime to get you by. And he can do what my mother refers to as "His laundry by hand."

I'm not trying to preach abstinence here. Merely trying to encourage you to protect your heart and your body. There is a book called Women Who Love Too Much. It's about women who give and give and give and then feel bad because it isn't returned in the same measure. (I haven't read it but a friend of mine LOVED the book.)

It's okay to expect a man to give something for what he gets, imo. And vice versa.

I am not an advocate of free sex, even though I write a lot of it in my books. Those are fantasy. In real life, people get pregnant, or take home a disease, or can get hurt when they go for a one night stand with a stranger. BE CAREFUL.

Indulge your fantasies in fantasy books. Anything you might think would be cool CAN BE COOL in print, and the privacy of your safe home.

I was thinking about women giving sex for free or for nothing more than a meal and a movie. A movie? The guy didn't even have to work at conversation?

What's the difference between a woman who gives sex freely and one who makes men pay? Slut. Whore. I hate the terms. Dumb. Smarter? What do you think? Too lonely? Or too broke?

(That broke has a double entendre there.)

Let's strengthen our single friends, and give them hope that they won't be lonely forever. But make no mistake friends, even those IN relationships get lonely as hell sometimes. Loneliness is a heartache, a state of being, and you can be lonely in a room full of friends and family. Sometimes the loneliness is more profound when you are surrounded by people you know.

I think the most important thing to remember at all times is that you're not alone. There are millions of people out there going through the same emotions.

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Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 7:05 AM :: 1 Comments:

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That was beautifully written. I agree. Sex doesn't have to be an amusement on the same emotional level with watching TV.

By Blogger Glenna, at 9:02 AM  

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