Carys Weldon Blog
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Stem Cell Research, Abortion and Gossip
Abortion and gossip first, then an amazing discovery!
Recently, I posted about that horribly unclean abortion clinic in KC. And I think I stated that I think we should be more responsible up front, that the choice is conception or contraception.
I struggle with the "abortion when you know a baby is deformed" and "abortion for rape victims" issues and haven't come to any terms on that, personally. Ultimately, I believe in preserving life--but when I gave birth to my first daughter, there was a NINE year old giving birth down the hall.
The nurses asked me if there was anything they could get me. I remember asking if they could please shut the door of whoever was wailing "Mama!" over and over again. I was horrified, and shushed to tears (and ashamed) when they explained that it was a little girl who had been raped.
How can a nine year old give birth? Amazing that she'd already started puberty. The same week, the national news syndicate carried stories of an 8 year old that had given birth in NY City. And another article had a 12 year old. I remember wondering if the world had gone mad, and where the heck were the cops who should be arresting the pedaphiles/child molestors who had done this to these children.
I cried for those little girls. I wondered how their mothers could let them go through pregnancy and delivery. I discussed it with all my friends. What would we do? What would lovers of life, and pro-life people do if it were their daughters who were raped?
I cannot even guess and am glad I never had to make that choice. But, because of the fact that I have known rape victims who ended up pregnant, some who got abortions, some who gave their children up for adoption, some who kept the children, and some who miscarred, I cannot make a judgment about abortion, or those who choose to get one. So, I don't want anyone to think I am judging anybody on this issue.
I had a friend who had an abortion and when she confessed to me in tears, I just hugged her and said, "You can't fix the past. Try and forgive yourself, because this guilt that's killing you isn't helping you move on." Later, she said, "I was afraid to tell you because you are so pro-life, but you're the only one of my friends whose said things that help me to put it into perspective."
I've known girls whose boyfriends and husbands gave them money to go get one, but didn't bother to drive them to the clinic. So sad to me.
When I was 12, my church showed us a film about girls who had gone through abortions and were heart broken, and who, on the anniversary of their abortions, went into terrible depressions that lasted for weeks. What struck me MOST was one girl on screen. The minute she appeared, my friends gasped, "That looks like--" They turned to me, aghast. I swore, "It's not me! I never had an abortion!
The teacher hushed us up. The girl cried in tiny little sobs about the baby, wondering who might have adopted it--now that she knew that was an option. She talked about how nobody had told her she could have it and give it to a financially stable family. That had never been an option for her. Her mother had insisted she get rid of it.
Now, again, I'm not judging anybody. We all make the best choices we can for our circumstances at the time.
But we all know how hard it is for a family who has a daughter that gets pregnant out of wedlock. People whisper, and make comments that you can hear behind your back. Some are ignorant enough to judge you to your face.
I had a friend who got a great and unexpected trip to a cousin's house across the country one summer. Her mother called her to tell her that everyone in her church thought she'd gotten pregnant and that's why she'd left so abruptly. The girl was heartsick that people would even conjecture that about her, and didn't even want to go home. She wasn't even pregnant, but the rumors damaged her. As an old lady, she cried when she told me that story. I think people have no idea what damage their little whisperings can cause. I mean, she was in her sixties and that had happened while she was a teenager. She stayed with her cousin for the whole school year. Then she was more afraid to go home because people would assume she stayed long enough to have the baby and give it away. What a vicious little circle of fear that gossip caused. Ya know?
Anyhow, enough about abortion, and gossip, and that. STEM CELL RESEARCH has had an amazing advancement which may stop some of the financial incentive doctors have for doing abortions.
In case you're wondering, I am not saying there should be no facilities for abortion. There are special cases which require termination, and like I said, I can be no judge of those.
My sister has cysts on her ovaries and went to a fertility specialist in Las Vegas. He did surgery to remove some, scrape them off or something, and had her on clomed. She conceived. She was thrilled.
But she changed her doctor when she found out the guy delivered an 8 month healthy baby as an abortion and left it to die in the O.R. trash can. A nurse took the baby after he left, and saved it. There was a big debate over that. Now, I know you're screaming 8 months, that's not legal. It was cases like this that caused the current laws to go in effect. The baby was called Adam and he made national news.
Another story about abortion (a lady who told her story when she was 80):
But is abortion better than infanticide? Babies being born, then dumped in trash cans, or kids being smothered by their mothers? It's horrible, but it happens.
This next link talks about violence to pregnant women:
Dead baby found. Discussion on blog that talks about whether it was abandoned or murdered, and asking people not to make assumptions:
Which brings me back to the gossip thing. Let's not make assumptions, or judgments, folks. Let's just thank our higher power that we were never in the position where we felt we had no choice but to do what some of these folks have done. And, if you're one of those people who made the choice to abort a baby, or give one up for adoption, don't beat yourself up over it. Don't feel a need to get self-righteous about it. Forgive yourself. Forgive people around you.
If I can leave one message on this planet when I go it is about unconditional love and forgiveness. I am no judge. We all make mistakes, and should remember the term "There but for the grace of God go I." Put yourself in someone else's shoes. How would you have dealt with the situation? But don't judge them for their choices. Love them even if their past decisions don't agree with yours. That is the higher spiritual path in my opinion.
And we should all rejoice in the stem cell research advancements. Amazing things are happening in science. If you see something like this, share it with us, by all means.
Posted by CarysWeldonblog ::
7:16 AM ::
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Totally agree with everything you said here. I, too, don't see abortion as completely black and white. It's such a complicated issue with so many entanglements. The stem cell research being one of them. I was thrilled to see that scientists are making headway in what will make for so many amazing cures and they'll be able to do it without having dirty little secrets as a genesis.
Also ditto on the judgments. Life is about learning. We should all help each other, not try to squash each other down with guilt and judgment.
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