Carys Weldon Blog

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Need something to smile over?

You can't read this and stay in a bad mood!


1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers .

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?! The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack .

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile.

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 6:11 AM :: 3 Comments:

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3 Comments:

Actually, more than one of 'em made me smile. :)

And now for something completely irrelevant to anything you're put here: 24 hours until liftoff....

By Blogger Jen, at 6:38 AM  

Yup, they made me smile!

By Blogger ikkinlala, at 12:47 PM  

Carys I can always find something to smile about on your blog. Thanks once again! :)

By Blogger Sue A., at 12:38 AM  

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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Love the Smart Bitches!

http://www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com/

Cute kitty pic.

Nora Roberts has now become a bobble head. (Gotta scroll down for that.)

And THE VIRGIN BRIDE SAID "WOW!"

Ya gotta go and check it out. Too funny. Read Nora's comments.

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Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 1:34 PM :: 1 Comments:

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I totally <3 that kitty pic!

By Blogger Jen, at 6:39 AM  

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I promised you (funny?)

I promised you something funny and true yesterday. First, I'm gonna brag about my husband...who is my hero and pretty damn cool, imo. Then, I'll get to the story. But the bragging sets up the story, so it's not completely unrelated. So, you're gonna get mining lesson 101.

My husband worked at the Nevada Test Site, which, back in the days he was there, did a lot of nuclear testing. He was really pretty cool and amazing--the youngest boss in the NTS tunnels. He was in charge of miners that made the tunnels that they put the bombs in, and then the crew that went in afterward to clean up the nuclear/radioactive mess. Lots of explosives and danger. (There were other bosses, and a lot that were higher up, but he was just the youngest one.)

Did I mention my husband has three world records in mining? Two he got on the test site--drilling the most feet of tunnel with the Jackleg (like a jack hammer)in an eight hour shift--we're talking serious manual labor, heavy lifting required. AND drilling the most footage of tunnel with a continuous mining machine in an eight hour shift. That's a big boring machine. His third world record came when he was asked to come out of retirement to run a MOLE which is a big honking boring machine. He first retired at age 32.

(He's a retirement king. Does it a lot. Then gets begged out of rest and relaxing living.) Anyhow, that machine was one that only about 5 Americans had the skills to run--at the time. And, if I remember right, (which is always questionable), three were out of the country, running the big machine in France, and the other was seriously old and refused to come out of retirement. So, I'm saying my husband wasn't their first choice because he was young, very young to be put on the most expensive mining equipment in the country (and world.)

There's only a few of them in existence, actually. They are called TBM's. (Real original. Tunnel Boring Machine.) Here's the wikipedia link that shows a picture: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunnel_boring_machine

Cooler still is the google images on world's largest tunnel boring machines:
http://images.google.com/images?um=1&tab=wi&hl=en&q=biggest+tunnel+boring+machine+in+the+world

Okay, so the bragging's over for the moment. But, suffice it to say, it's pretty damn cool to brag about--especially when I talk to miner's wives. My big italian is super awesome in his field of occupation. I swear, the last time he retired (or the time before that)--we unlisted our phone number, you couldn't even find us on the web--which is hard work, let me tell ya. And some big wig from a mining company managed to hunt us down anyway to offer Tony a job.

I think one of the big points here is...Tony's pretty damn bright. Sometimes the most mechanically oriented guy on his jobs. Which makes the boneheads really stand out, I think.

So (the story)--
Two of the guys he worked with at the Nevada Test Site had stopped at the bar on the way home, and got totally blitzed. It was real late. The sun had gone down. And it was a spare moon night. They should NOT have been driving themselves anywhere. We're talking super sloshed beyond reason--and they didn't have a lot of that beforehand.

So, they're driving home, and they hit something. Picture two drunks, happily smiling, sloppily rocking to the radio, chatting their asses off. And all the sudden they hit something.

(Now, this is how they told the story.)
The driver immediately hits his brakes, going, "Oh. Shit. I think I hit something."

As they skid to a halt, it is obvious they are dragging something.

The other guy says, "No shit, Sherlock. You know you fucking hit something."

"God, I hope I didn't kill anything."

"It wasn't big enough to be a burro."

"Fuck." The driver pops his door open to take a look, and leans over to see under the car.

At the same time, the passenger does the same thing. Except he is so blitzed, he falls out.

The driver has a heart attack (okay, not literally, but damn near) because all he can see when he gets upside down, peering under the car, hanging on to the steering wheel so he won't fall out, IS A BODY.

His friend's body. But he's too snockered to realize that.

He yells, "Oh, shit! I ran over somebody!" And he falls out of the car, wetting his pants.

The passenger is so inebriated that he closed his eyes when he hit the pavement. As his friend yells, he pops his eyes open and thinks the same thing.

"Oh, God! He looks like shit. I think you mauled him to death. You must have dragged him with the front tire."

"Jesus." The driver shakes his head, pushes himself to get up.

The passenger screams, "Oh, God! You didn't kill him. The fucker's getting up!" He drags himself up and into the car.

The driver does the same, and in a hurry.

The passenger says, "If we drive away, he can't kick our asses or sue us."

So, they drive on. The driver looks in the rear view and says, "Where did he go?"

The passenger turns around and can't see anything because it's pitch dark. "Jesus. You think you made a zombie?"

"You think he walked off already?"

"Well, he ain't back there."

The driver hit the accelerator, just wanting to put some distance between them and the undead guy they ran over. They drove in silence for a bit.

Then, the passenger said, "You smell like piss."

"You try running somebody over. That was fuckin' shocking. I couldn't help it."

The passenger cocks his head sideways, looking at his buddy, and says, "You know what?"

"What?"

"You look a helluva lot like that dead guy."

The driver glanced over at his friend, then frowns as he realizes that his buddy looks a lot like the dead guy he saw.

"That's weird," he says, contemplating the whole thing.

He's a little slow to begin with, and then the beer buzz on top of it, had his processes working on snail speed, but eventually he figured it out.

BUT when they sit around and tell the story, he lets his buddy tell it. Because his friend never did put two and two together. And when his friend walks away, he always lingers, snickering, to tell the funniest part of the story--which is that his friend still thinks they hit somebody.

He thinks that is funny as hell.
Do you?

I laughed out loud the first time I heard the story. I mean, two drunks thinking they saw a dead body but it's just their friend leaning out to see. That's pretty funny, imo. But then, I think we've already proven that I'm easily amused.

On a scale of 1-10, how funny is this story to you? I put it at a 7 at least.

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 7:29 AM :: 1 Comments:

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I give it a 10. It's too bizarre to be anything less!

By Blogger Fiction Writer, at 1:22 AM  

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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Cool Ghost Story

This came to me in email and it made me grin. I have a follow-up (true) humorous story that I'll try and post tomorrow. My only sadness is not knowing who wrote this so I could give them proper credit. (Writers are always concerned with fair copyright practice, you know.)

A guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a really pitch black night in the middle of a thunderstorm.

Time passed slowly and no cars went by. The night was so black and raining so hard he couldn't see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghost-like in the pouring down rain. It slowly crept toward him and stopped.

Wanting a ride really bad, the guy jumped in the car and closed the door, only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel.

The car slowly started moving and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.

The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into the marsh and he would surely drown, when just before the curve, a hand appeared through the driver's window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend.

Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve.

Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town.

Wet and in shock, he went into a cafe and, voice quivering, ordered a cup of hot coffee, black, then told everybody about his experience.

A silence enveloped the cafe and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth and was not just some weirdo.

About half an hour later two guys walked into the cafe and one says to the other: "Look Jethro, there's that idiot who rode in our car when we were pushing it in the rain."

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 6:24 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, May 28, 2007

Want to be horrified?

I accidentally went to a horrifying site today. I saw a google link to something talking about vandalism of religious items. I was intrigued.

In truth, the site is about an abortion clinic in Kansas City. There's a terrible story at the top, but if you scroll down, you will see pictures of what is mentioned above. So, be fairly warned that you will be absolutely traumatized if you read it and see the visuals that show the truth.

I didn't believe that they'd actually have pictures to back it up, I guess, and scrolled down anyway.

http://abortionviolence.com/KS.HTM

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 3:40 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Yep, that was pretty gross. The truly horrifying part was what the gals said that doc did in the microwave. That's kind of hard to believe. Why would anyone do that?

By Blogger Glenna, at 12:32 AM  

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CONquest

I went to CONquest, the science fiction convention in Kansas City this last weekend. That's a lot of fun. People dress up in all sorts of costumes and wander around. I hung out with the KNARR pirates. I'll give you more on them another time.

Let me point you to something that will make you laugh hard enough to cry, probably. It's a stupid drunk guy story. It gets good around 11:30 on his "what happened to me that night."

http://tuckermax.com/

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 7:57 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Saturday, May 26, 2007

PICTURES FROM THE " LAND OF AWWWWS "



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The look on that cat's face says it all, I just wonder how they did it!!!

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"Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened"


Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 12:09 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Those are so cute!

(Great way to start turning a grumpy mood around, too. :) )

By Blogger Jen, at 7:55 AM  

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Friday, May 25, 2007

Live your life backwards?

I dunno who wrote this. I received it in my email. I loved the ending, though, and I think you will, too.

live your life backwards next time
I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.

You enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're
generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap, and then.

You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

(Anonymous)

***
In other news, I'm off to CONquest, a science fiction convention in Kansas City at the Airport Hilton hotel. Feel free to swing in and look for me. Here's the website for the convention: http://www.kcsciencefiction.org/conquest/conquest.htm
Check it out!

So, um, that means I won't be posting here until Monday, probably.

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 7:44 AM :: 1 Comments:

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I think everyone should live life by that.

By Anonymous Shannon, at 9:35 AM  

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Thursday, May 24, 2007

In search of WHAT WOMEN WANT?

I went looking for websites that talk about how a guy should show his affection or interest in a woman, and vice versa.

The first site I came to was this for those on the dating scene: http://www.simpleromance.com/articles/guywomenwant.htm
It's a good one for writers who want to set-up a believable "how they met." And it's funny because it tells men not to be weenies. So, I always like things that do that. ;)

I had to go somewhere else, though, to get something really good. And this site is it: http://www.marriedromance.com/surveys/marriedwants.htm

It talks about what he wants and what she wants. You know THEY TAKE POLLS all the time on this stuff.

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 7:34 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

PORN WARNING: Top Twelve Reasons Married Couples Stop Having Sex

Is this happening at your house?
(I saw this on a SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP SITE while looking for fun (romance boosting) things to post. I'm not thinking this is very funny, but might be helpful, so here it is.)

I think the list was written by a woman who is definitely against porn, although there was no byline but there was a "copy and post as you please" signature at the bottom.

The Sex Therapist responses were progressively more crude, (and questionable AND anonymous) but some were funny. I actually read the whole damn thing. (Usually I skim.)

PORN AFFECTING YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

It happens every day, all over the world. Relationships are failing. I think it is a lack of communication. I think relationships degrade when examples of porn are used to liven up sexuality.

Sound familiar? Is it a problem you've dealt with, or are dealing with now? You may want to get your partner to read this, and take a little responsibility for the failing stability in your sexual relationship. And, wow, if you or your partner is guilty of all of these things, get a grip. Not on somebody's manhood. On your sensibility!

The twelve reasons listed below were compiled through a six month screen at a "Marriage in Danger? Forum" where people posted anonymously.

DISCLAIMER (from original post):
Remember this: Relationships take two to fail or survive. Sometimes a relationship is only longterm because one person is a masochist. If they aren't a willing submissive, though, they will eventually get the guts to walk out.

Sex Therapist responses are numbered:
12. Someone thinks foreplay is talking crudely.
1)IN FACT, crude conversation shows a lack of respect, and if done often enough will lead the partner(s)to have low self-esteem.
2) "I'm gonna fuck you hard, bitch!" and "Suck my dick." are not, actually, turn-ons to women, moron. And "Fuck off!" is not a come-on if she says it.
3) Go ahead. Talk dirty. Be a nasty fucker. You know she likes it. Even if she cries later. COME ON. Think before you open that mouth.

11. Someone thinks the other partner's disinterest is the other person's fault, or problem, and that it doesn't have anything to do with how THEY have treated the partner.
1) IT IS A PROVEN FACT that one person's disinterest in sex is a direct result of how their partner treats them in bed, and out. People should review a few things, and realize that a partner not having interest, or not having orgasm, means the partner is not pleasing them properly in one or more areas. Usually, orgasm is connected to feelings of pleasure toward the partner. When someone is dissatisfied on an emotional level, orgasms are harder to achieve and sometimes impossible.
2) If you're a total dick, and she gets tired of playing your head games, it is your fault she doesn't give a shit about you, or what you do.
3) Be honest with yourself. You know you're a total shit. On one hand you might think they're being a baby. But on the hand you fuck yourself with, you know you've fucked your partner over too many times for it not to be spilling out in bad jism all over you. Thank God the seeds you planted aren't all kids.

10. Someone thinks porn is foreplay, and expects their spouse to perform crude acts against all society teaches.
1) LET'S FACE IT...The world gives us many opportunities to see extremes and extremists. Those people participating in those acts are in search of some adrenalin flow, or enjoy giving/receiving pain. This speaks to deeper emotional problems. I'm sorry to have to explain this, but sadism, masochism, bondage, and roleplay are examples of warped psyche. While on the surface, it seems "fun" to play around the edges of these live action role plays, the reality remains that certain acts are painful to the receiver, like sodomizing or fisting a female. Anything that makes a person bleed or cry out in pain is over the line. Partners sometimes submit because they are trying to please but it was wrong for them to be put in that position. The most common result is tears, and the "perpetrator" (penetrator?) getting angry at being held responsible.
2) You bend over, grab your ankles, and hang on while I ram a dildo up your ass. Or let me clamp something painful to your tits or balls. And if you like it, you're either a masochist, or a fag. Doing the first to your female partner constitutes sodomy which is against the law. Doing the second is considered abuse and is punishable in court if she ever chose to bring charges. Women should not be asked to do these things.
3) This always gets me. Fuck you and the circus elephant you rode in on. You need it tighter? Are you a closet homo? Try choking your own chicken permanently, then maybe you'll get a grip on what it means to have consequences. Would you like your partner to expose your perv tendencies? It takes nothing to call the cops, or confess at church, moron. Some things should NOT be considered, and you need to lop those thoughts off fast before someone gets a knife and castrates you. Your thoughts CAN be dangerous. What's that? You like bestiality? Is that because you don't have a donkey sized dick, or what?

9. Someone gives in to the pressure, just to make the first person happy, and then can't stand themselves for being "immoral."
1) WE KNOW GUILT is a hard thing, but going against one's upbringing IS a powerful depressant. The initiating partner needs to understand that they are responsible for the depression. IN A PERFECT WORLD, people are strong enough to say, "Go fuck yourself." But in reality, very few do that when trying to please a partner.
2) A person's upbringing may be full of bullshit, but the standards ingrained in them are mental foundations. Crumbling them can be devastating. The person responsible should have to stick around and pick up the pieces.
3) You might not fucking care how your partner was raised. You may want to change their way of thinking. But who the hell made you God? If thousands of generations say something is wrong, and you've tried it, and it's painful to your partner, you can't blame your partner for believing what they've been taught, or being angry at you.

8. Someone thinks porn is foreplay, and doesn't have the cock to match.
1) If you don't have equipment and skills to brag about, you'd be better off not to give your partner something to compare you to.
2) Sorry, boys. If you keep mentioning big dicks, or putting the pictures/videos in front of your girl, you have to see that she is eventually gonna do the inch counting. If you don't measure up, you are going to be sorry for this mistake. She may say size doesn't matter, but this is a case of measuring, and dick size is proportionate to brain function here. Don't do it. Or stop doing it. And, if you've already fucked up, get your tongue moving. Sweet talk. Pleasure with it. Whatever you have to do to make up for your shortcomings.
3) This is the whole donkey dick thing again. Penis Envy is a sad thing. The more you watch porn, the smaller your cock will look. Get over it. Stop watching. Or are you just dreaming? Wishing you were the guy in the film? The guy with every STD out there? You are too fucked up. You know that, don't you? SEE the truth. It doesn't even dangle between your legs.

7. Someone thinks porn is foreplay, and spends time looking at it instead of sweet talking their partner.
1) THIS IS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM I see in relationships, because it is a form of "lack of communication." Porn is NOT foreplay. Sweet conversation is.
2) If you can't get your rocks off without looking at porn first, you need to see a doctor. Your hormone and mineral levels are down. Society may say that "lots of men" have erectile problems, the truth is, those are caused by imbalances in the body. Do yourself and your partner a favor and spend your time at a doctor's office instead.
3) Life is a bitch. Or your wife is. That's because she knows affection is more than a couple of words. It's body language, respect, and a few other things you might try working on. Birthday PRESENTS. GIFTS given NOT BECAUSE YOU SCREWED UP AGAIN. Small touches and smiles to show you still like your partner. Give it a try. You might be amazed at the way the sun will shine down on you.

6. Someone thinks porn is foreplay, tells their partner, and she feels incapable of being a porn star, since she looks like a housewife with kids.
1) THE REALITY IS women already have body issues, and self-esteem problems related to the way they are built. Real women don't compare to actresses chosen for their physical attributes. The fact that women are made to feel even worse, asked to wear things that they feel awful in, or compared is just plain wrong.
2) Let's face it, butthead. Some fantasies should be kept to yourself. You want her crying all the time? Stop putting bombshells in front of her as something to aspire to. If she can't lose five pounds, she'll never feel good in a string bikini. If she can't pay her bills, she sure as hell isn't gonna get it together to pay for fake boobs. Unless you're a benefactor? But, wait. Why would she want to be with someone that wants her to go through the pain of that? Shooting her in the head repeatedly would be less painful than your requests for her to perform like some WELL PAID whore. Cough up more bucks and get yourself a hooker, and a lawyer, because you'll need one if you're that stupid. The grass isn't greener elsewhere. Pussy isn't sweeter on the next block. And your dick doesn't get bigger if you shave the hair around it. Sorry to have to point that out to you.
3) I'm sad over this. You don't look like a centerfold, do you? Why would you put this pressure on your partner? Go. Right now. Tell your partner that you like the the way they are. Reinforce the idea in your own head that you are both growing older, and not as pretty as you used to be.

5. Someone thinks porn is foreplay, and expects their spouse to perform circus contortion acts.
1) DO YOU REALIZE that very few people, per capita, can even touch their toes. If that is the case, why is there a question of one partner even trying to wrap ankles around their head, or back bend while performing something most comfortable for both partners in a missionary position...? Don't suggest this shit unless you're the one willing to do the contorting.
2) I think I addressed this before. YOU bend over and grab your ankles, asswipe.
3) Circus acts? That makes me laugh AT YOU. Dogs are hard to train when they get older. Everybody says it. Are you paper trained? Or do we need to put you in a cage somewhere? You're LION to yourself if you think a partner will jump through hoops and not get resentful. WAKE UP fuckhead.

4. Someone spends time looking through singles personal ads.
1) HOW STUPID can a person be? This tells their partner that the relationship is doomed, you're bored, and on your way out the door because you are OBVIOUSLY LOOKING FOR A REPLACEMENT.
2) If your partner finds out, they'll be looking too. If they find you out there, don't be surprised if your girl turns into Lorena Bobbit.
3) Hell yeah. Look at those hot bods. How ya gonna get that, though? Look at yourself in a mirror. You are NOT what a hottie is looking for unless you have cash, lots and lots of cash. You are SO lucky you have someone putting up with your shit. Realize it.

3. Someone spends time looking through voyeur and couples/swingers personal ads.
1) IF YOU DO THIS and leave evidence where a partner can see it, you will put more stress on an already unsatisfying relationship. You might put the idea in your partner's mind, which is the assumed hope. But in all the sessions I've held where this came up, it sent the second person in search of a third party--a divorce lawyer. While the concept of watching others, or having threesomes, or swapping, might seem fun to one, it is a death knell to the relationship. It tells your partner that you are unhappy and looking around.
2) Am I the only one getting tired here? Why would a monogamous person want to be with someone who is obviously dreaming of a lifestyle outside of what they are willing to give. This is a guaranteed way to end your relationship. I hope your partner finds out what a fucking loser you are and goes to get someone that is dreaming of a faithful type of partner. The faithful partner is almost impossible to find these days. If you've got one, you better dig your head out.
3) If those other couples were good in bed, do you think they'd be advertising for others to come in. That's just sad. You don't really think it's about you watching, did you? It's because he can't please her. His dick isn't getting hard enough. Is that because of her? Or the disease they picked up from the last joker that answered their ad?

2. Someone answers the sex ads and offers to meet people, just to watch.
1) THE INITIAL CONTACT may be with the sole interest of watching others, but it is the first step on the path to separation and divorce. You have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to see that the whole world is looking for a committed relationship, and those who don't have it are the ones trying to reel people in.
2) Set it up, idiot. Go. Have a good time. If your partner finds out, they won't believe you didn't touch or participate. Get ready to sign your belongings away. Adultery is still against the law. You can lose everything you have and never appreciated it, and you will have no one giving you sympathy. What is the matter with you people?
3) I'm with number 2 on this one. Go. Enjoy the moment while it lasts. Write FUCKHEAD on your forehead before you go. That way they can tell you apart from the other losers. Statistics say that 89% of watchers join in on their first experience. So, get your syphillis shot on the way over. And set up your HIV test on your way home. A condom is not enough protection. Sorry to be the one to enlighten you. That's a government panic controller. You go. You play. You get something. That's why the hell more than half the population in the US has HPV now, and why all of fucking Africa has AIDS.

1. Someone makes a stupid comment about how their partner isn't pleasing them well enough...which makes them give up trying altogether.
1) I FIND that couples I counsel can usually trace the lack of interest, or willingness to work through things goes back to a single sentence. Usually, one partner asks for more than the other is willing to give, or can give in good conscience. Where one individual thinks they are expanding the horizons of the other person in the relationship, they are really undermining what is good between the two people. I wholly encourage people to communicate, and talk about what pleasures them, but insulting a partner's way of making love isn't a positive move.
2) What goes around comes around. Bad karma is just that. If you really want your partner to please you, tell them what you like, not what you don't. Try to do what they like for them. Show you care about their feelings, and preferences, and they will reciprocate. But don't be a bonehead about it. Don't say it like, "Tell me your fantasy." Females tend to throw out what they think you want to hear if you say it like that.
3) The dumb thing here is, if you're an ass that puts your foot in your mouth, you will always do this sort of thing. You'll ruin every relationship you try to get. Maybe you should give up on going for multiple partners and spend a little time on improving your conversational and suck up skills.

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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Having a bad day? (Funny)

This is even funnier when you realize it's real!
Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to a radio station in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: we have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea, heats it to a delightful temperature, then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my bum started to itch.

So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my bum started to burn! I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my bum was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my bum.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my bum as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poo for two days because my bum was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your arse. Now repeat to yourself, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a Jellyfish Bad Day?
(May you NEVER have a Jellyfish Bad Day!!!!!)

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 7:22 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, May 21, 2007

Juggling friends, family life and writing

I really appreciate it when you post responses to my blog. Sometimes I think I'm talking into the void of nothing.

I find that most of my friends, now, are related to my writing. You know, other writers, editors, agents, and my readers. You have become as big a part of my life as those who live with me.

It's hard, sometimes, to juggle everything. And sometimes my family gets annoyed that I seem to care more about what you think than what they think. But...a writer without readers is...what?

I want to write things that please my readers. I feel like such a slacker writer, of late. I've had so many distractions. Today, I have hopes of getting serious on that sf romance I'm working on. I have very little going there so far.

I've written 3 or 4 beginnings and keep getting more of the backstory in my head. You know, really working out the plot and what's created this girl's attitudes. Her name is Lahree. I think you'll love her. She is virtuous on a lot of levels, and a victim in many ways, but one of those women that just looks ahead, and doesn't wallow in her heartaches.

I'm a wallower. I wish I could be as cool as this girl. And I don't have the negatives in my life that I've put in hers. So, I guess you could read this story and see what I wish I could be. I just need to read/write stories of women who triumph over their problems. You know, that gives me hope that some day I'll get my shit together like one of my heroines.

And I've got two very sexy men interested in her. And one creep. And there's murder, so mystery needs to be unraveled and explained. What more do ya want? (Go ahead. Tell me.)

Since it's science fiction, I have to think harder to make sure the science stuff is plausible and makes sense. I really hate the books that just make ya ask, "Was that writer on crack? You know that won't work, at a glance. How stupid can ya get?"

Since I'm not on crack...
because I believe Whitney when she said "Crack is whack."
Uh, I gotta go into the insane planes to find stories in my own little straight, but demented mind. I'm sure it would come quicker if I WAS on crack. LOL

Going to get busy now.

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 6:00 AM :: 2 Comments:

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2 Comments:

You believed Whitney, huh? You're much more of an idealist than I am!

Loved The Price of Peace, going to a different subject. I just finished it. At first I thought I would be nice and read it because I'm really not much of a romance reader, I THOUGHT....I loved those people. By the end I was very sad to read the last page becasue I didnt' want to leave them behind. It was a wonderful story about very human people doing the best they could. I really liked it.

By Blogger Glenna, at 6:38 PM  

Thanks, Glenna!

By Blogger CarysWeldonblog, at 9:04 AM  

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Sunday, May 20, 2007

Obligations

Lately, I've had to make some hard personal choices. As a writer, I'm obligated to do certain things, promote my books when possible being the main thing, which means signing up for book signing opportunities.

This last month, it seems like everything I've signed up for has been almost a heartache or a heartache waiting to happen. I signed up for a book signing one weekend, and a friend's daughter's first baby shower happened. I couldn't go because I was obligated elsewhere. But I felt bad.

This next weekend, another friend's daughter is getting married down in the bootheel of Missouri...which is as far as you can (in the state) from the booksigning I have in KC.

On one hand, I think...life is about the people I know and care about and I SHOULD be there for those things. BUT as a professional, I can't cancel signings and speaking engagements because someone sent me an invitation--after I've already committed to the professional engagement.

It's not that I'm super popular. (Don't wanna be harrassed by anyone on that.) My real point is, I hate the fact that life is about choices and sometimes we feel the options are made by others.

I mean, if I had the invitations before the book signings were set, I could pick and choose my priorities. On the other hand, I guess it's a good way to get out of things.

It's hard, though, to be put between the rock and the hard spot. I wouldn't want my friends to think that I don't care about them or their children, especially these two girls. I taught them in our church's young women's program. So, I really do have a strong desire to be there for them and support the in these big events.

As a writer, I find many opportunities out there where I can promote my books, or myself, but I find the balance of personal and business obligations a tough measurement of where my priorities are.

I know that some people would say BUSINESS is the priority. And others would scream, LIFE IS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

You can't be considered a professional writer if you aren't professional, if you don't follow through with your obligations.

But then, what's life about anyway? Who you love and how you treat them?

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 7:27 AM :: 2 Comments:

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This is the absolute hardest part about being a writer. We have to remain self-disciplined and work when friends and family want to do lunches, etc. We have to do promotional stuff or go to conferences when family has weekend stuff.

Unfortunately, in my recent quest to make this a solid career, I've lost some friendships. I get so bogged down in the work and trying to keep up with my busy family, weeks go by before I remember to call and they're mad at me. Someone is always mad.

Makes it difficult.

By Anonymous Rinda Elliott, at 3:19 PM  

I hear ya. It's hard when you have to choose. Professionalism demands certain choices, though.

I find that someone is always mad at me, too. Or judging me. And I'm always feeling like I'm failing somewhere. Ya know?

Remember this, though, Rinda. We are friends, even if it is months between seeing or talking to each other, and we understand one another, and the things we're going through. So, that's like a lifeline, right?

By Blogger CarysWeldonblog, at 9:06 AM  

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Saturday, May 19, 2007

Book signing today

Today, I'm going to the College of the Ozarks (Hollister/Branson, Missouri) for a quarterly conference put on by the Ozarks Writers league. I'll be at the Plaster Auditorium and all my books will be on sale from 9-3. (Give or take.) So, if you want any, come on down. Other writers will be there, too.

We have a luncheon and auction and a couple of speakers. It's usually an enjoyable day.

I feel like a slacker type because I don't have a bunch of things to donate to the auction. It's one of those "Bring new or nearly new items" type of things. Every thing I own is used and used too well for someone to appreciate besides me, I think. (She says as she looks around for anything not nailed down but presentable enough to haul to the car.) There's a lot of junk here, but...

I have a brand new box of candy I thought about taking. But I want to take it and open it and share it--not have it sold to someone who will be stingy with it. I mean, it's a three pound box! Who could eat that much in a year? (Says the overly large lady who thinks...it isn't like it's a bag of oreos!)

Anyhow, I guess I should pack up and get the heck out of town. There's an unopened bag of potatoes here. I wonder if someone would want that? LOL

I wonder if there will be anything good for me to haul home. You know, gotta haves. At the moment, I can't imagine ANYTHING. Except maybe a brand new box of chocolates. (One track mind?)

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 5:57 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Not so much candy or cookies or chips on my mind, but blackberry preserves and maybe hot Jello (drinkable, not jiggly-eatable).

Hope the conference was fun!

As for lost bits of writing--in reference to your previous post--I've been searching for two days for a two-page scene. In my mind, I can see the actual pages; in reality, they've apparently flown to that great manuscript in the sky.

Hope you find the card!

By Blogger Fiction Writer, at 8:59 PM  

Blackberry preserves sound really good to me right now. (She says as she goes looking for some toast or something.)

By Blogger CarysWeldonblog, at 9:07 AM  

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Friday, May 18, 2007

Bed

It's 6:30 a.m. and I'm awake. No surprise there since I'm an insomniac. I lost one of my cards and dreamed about hunting for it all night long and just before I awoke, I found it in my dream. Sounded like a really good place to look to me. I was disappointed to find that it wasn't there or any of the other places I looked in my dream.

Tell me where else to look. Tell me how one card can disappear out of a pile, and it is, invariably, the one you need most.

And tell me how our brains work. I mean, it is totally amazing to me that my mind worked on finding that card all night long. I tossed and turned a lot, but at least I went through the possibilities.

Any psychics out there that wanna tell me where to look for my card? Apparently, I'm not psychic enough to find important things for myself.

Maybe I should go back to bed and try to get more clues.

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 4:39 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Try to get some rest and then when you waken maybe it will suddenly come to you where it is. Your brain needs a refresh at this point, I bet, just from worrying about it!

By Blogger Glenna, at 6:10 AM  

Still haven't found it.
(Damn purse.)
Or my passport.
(Damn desk.)
Guess it doesn't matter if I want to run away or not, huh?

By Blogger CarysWeldonblog, at 9:09 AM  

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Thursday, May 17, 2007

Cookies

Know anything about cookies?
I had a cookie problem this morning.
Someone (probably me) had deleted my internet cookies, so I had to go and google on how to fix the fact that blogger wouldn't let me in because I didn't have a blogger cookie.

Would have been easier to find a girl scout on a street corner selling her wares.
(Just kidding. We all know it's almost impossible to find a girl scout selling cookies in May.)

Which brings me to...how much I love those mint cookies they sell. And how glad I am that Little Debbie's now sells those german chocolate cookies that are very much like the Delight cookies girl scouts sell. It's criminal that they addict us, then only supply us once a year. Don't you think?

Is it politically incorrect to mention that the girl scouts are pushers of an addictive substance?

In other news, I didn't sleep well last night. Ms. Insomniac FINALLY took some muscle relaxers at 6 this a.m. and got to sleep in a little. Is it really sleeping in if you don't sleep during the night?

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 8:39 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Technically, no, it's not sleeping in if you didn't sleep at night. *s*

Generally, deleting Internet cookies isn't a problem. You just have to log in again and click the box to "remember me."

I've got to agree with the GS cookies. Especially the mint ones. Have you tried the York Peppermint Patty cookies? They taste just like the GS mint ones but with a little bit of peppermint cream too. :)

By Blogger Jen, at 6:26 PM  

I am so boring I love just the plain sugar cookies one with their imprinted logo! Well that and the chocolatey caramelly ones...

By Blogger Glenna, at 6:12 AM  

I need cookies. Toll House.
I need chocolate.

By Blogger CarysWeldonblog, at 9:10 AM  

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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Yesterday and today

Yesterday, I had a massage.
This is so sad. It's part of my treatment.
I've mentioned that I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, right?
So, now I'm in a weekly program that runs for 26 weeks or something.
That's right. I get massages for my doctor appointments.
Too great, imo. It almost makes the fibro worth having.

Then, last night, I went to my writer's meeting and read something I'm working on--that I only managed to write 5 pages on yesterday--called Murder on Grah. Science Fiction romance. Most of the people there don't get my stuff. Some said, "Too much technical stuff." I groaned, of course, and replied, "It's called SCIENCE fiction for a reason people."

Someone else complained, "No murder in the first five pages? It's called Murder on Grah! We need the murder up front. Or, at the very least, foreshadowed." (Strictly mystery fans.)

I tipped my head sideways and asked, "The title on the book isn't enough of a foreshadowing for ya?" (Guess not)

"We want action! Death. Mayhem. That sort of thing. Bang of a gun." (another groan came from deep inside me.)

So, then a romance reader said, "I actually like the way this starts."
I wanted to hug her with a THANK YOU. Until she said, "But how come the girl isn't meeting him yet?"

In THAT beginning, which is now not the beginning since I've been writing this morning, I had the guy wanting to strangle the girl who had stolen his ship and mickeyed him up the last time they were together. He'd finally hunted her and his ship down. I thought that was a good enough foreshadowing of murder and a question to the romance. Good beginning, imo. But now I question it and am rewriting the opening. SIGH. Third time's a charm.

Today, after I write until 2, I will be going to see a lawyer. My daughter that was in the accident is apparently going to have to fight for any dimes she gets. It's stupid. We had insurance. (2!) And I had stuff go to collections because the hospital billed improperly and didn't pre-authorize the surgery that took three days to line up while my daughter lay in pain. (There is not enough morphine for what happened to her.)

But now the insurances have overpaid and want to attach any settlement she gets. The whole deal (driver) only has $50k insurance to split between four kids who all had major spinal injuries. What's her percentage gonna be? Not any real ratio on what is honest and fair for a girl who almost died (repeatedly for weeks.) But, it would be nice for her to get enough to pay a year of college tuition. Ya know?

So, send up a prayer for her, if you would.

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 8:36 AM :: 1 Comments:

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So glad to hear about your story trouble in the critique group. I was in a novel critique group once where I showed the first chapter and a synopsis and I got the same reaction "How come the action from the title wasn't in the first chapter?" Hello? Because I have to tell the why it happened, lead up to it first or it makes no sense. All I got was "nope, has to be in the first chapter" so I said "nope, that would be ridiculous" and left the group.

Side note, totally jealous of the massage. I don't get them for fun but for big time muscle spasms too. Massage has got to be a universal truth, the truth of touch.

By Blogger Glenna, at 6:15 AM  

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Fears

As you probably know, I like to write my heroines with real fears. I want my readers to identify with them on some level (even if the heroine is a werewolf or in love with one.)

So, this is a general question--no one needs to feel like I'm asking for a confession. All answers can be "I know someone who fears this." But, because I am the TMI (too much information) queen, I'll do some real honesty here.

But, you tell me, what sort of things do you think women fear? Are my fears common?

I fear the loss of my husband and/or children, or other family members like parents and siblings and their kids (my nieces/nephews.) I've already lost my grandparents. Losing people I love is...well...just beyond horrifying to me. I would rather die first.

This is my second biggest fear in the world...I fear my husband cheating on me. And I fear being old AND lonely. All of these go together, I guess.

I know I can survive it, because other women have, but it's the betrayal of the heart and soul that just...floors me every time I think it is possible. I know I'm a total sap...because I can't imagine being with another man. Don't want to be. But am horrified that he might have ever entertained the idea of trading me out, or laying with another woman. I am horrified, too, that men seem to think the act is a nothing that means nothing. Am I too harlequin on this? Too much the naive Cinderella expecting Prince Charming to remain faithful for a lifetime? Am I a total ditz to believe that people can be faithful? I know it's insane but I cry myself to sleep sometimes worrying over this.

I also fear staying overweight and never feeling good about my body again. Does the body hate ever end? When I was 115 lbs and anorexic I hated myself. It's not any better now. Is death the only way to come to terms with this?

I fear the loss of limb. I'm okay with people who are missing pieces of their body, but I'm sad for them. And I really don't want to be them. (It's probably not pc to admit that. Sorry.)

I also fear disfigurement. Not that I think I'm beautiful as it is. Which is probably part of why I think it would be all the worse if I had this on top of everything else.

But, I have a dear, dear friend who was in a terrible accident when she was young and pregnant with her second child. I do not know a more beautiful woman, heart and spirit wise, but she suffers with facial scarring, and worse, a lot of prejudgment from others who have no idea that she was a victim, completely. You know, people who turn away from her without ever getting to know her.

It's hard enough to live a life being obese-- because people assume I should just eat less or exercise more and I'd get skinny. Believe me, if it were that easy, I'd be thin and healthy.

I do have hope that some day I could get a miracle. I mean, Oprah was big and now she's not. Richard Simmons, too. (Okay, he did it by surgery. So, his exercise and eating stuff is sort of a crock to me.) But you know what I mean. Others have gotten thin. Maybe I could too. I fear it will never happen, though.

I fear looking at pictures of myself--because most of the time I like to pretend like I'm not as large as I am. It's always a shock to me when I see how bad I look because, along with tmi, I am also a denial queen, I guess.

How about you? Any thoughts on things women fear?

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 7:17 AM :: 1 Comments:

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I can totally understand where you're coming from, Carys.

Most of all I fear being abandonned. When my father died in 1982, the feeling of having been abandonned was the strongest part of the grief. It was the same when my aunt passed in 1991.

I don't seem to fear my own death, though. At least I don't remember being afraid of dying when I was faced with it in some past medical crises.

I have 2 other major fears, but they're on the strange side -- hair loss and success. I don't have nightmares about waking up with my head shaved anymore (since cutting my yard-long hair last year), so I guess that one has abated.

The fear of success is, I think, pretty common among women. I think it's a big part of the reason I was an underachiever in school, and why I find it so hard to lose weight or even to buckle down and write.

By Blogger Emma Keigh, at 3:25 PM  

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Monday, May 14, 2007

Busy weekend

My oldest daughter flew in on Friday evening. Because we're italians (okay, my husband and kids are)--we celebrated with spaghetti, the old family recipe, and homemade bread and salad. It was pretty funny. My son in law is NOT Italian and we put him in charge of making 5 lbs of meatballs. You can imagine how it went, probably. He got tired of meatball making real quick. So, we had to keep an eye on him and continually say, "HEY. No fist sized meatballs, buddy!"

Saturday, I tortured the whole family with Olan Mills pictures. I'd like to say I'll be posting them on my blog, but you guys are still waiting for prom dress pics. If you could go to my myspace page, and click my friends (my kids), you could see these people I keep talking about.

What next? Then we barbecued hot dogs and hamburgers and might just have met the guy my oldest daughter will marry. His name is Andrew. He's cute. I'll give you more info if it develops into something worth talking about.

Bottom line? My married daughter set them up. Or him up. Invited him to a family bbq--and the guy sat out there with me and the sister's inquisition team after my husband and son went inside to play xbox. Is that a tough man or what? I was impressed that he didn't take the easy out and slip inside...which means he liked my daughter at a glance...enough to put up with us drilling and grilling him. "Where do you come from? Tell us about your family. You like dogs? You have any weird habits?" (Yeah, we dig deep and quick. Scare them off or find out what they're made of. Ya know?) Then my son-in-law started in on the guy. That was too funny. "Got any freaky habits?"

The guy wants to be an elementary school teacher. NICE guy. Shocked and horrified by some of our questions...but answered them with a smile, eying the "intended bride" with a lot of humor.

She bailed him out by saying, "Let's go bowling." He jumped on the escape clause.

Sunday, my youngest daughter graduated. We went out to eat at a mexican restaurant that serves the best flan in Springfield, Missouri. Intended second son-in-law did not come. Guy has finals or something. (good excuse)

But, he managed to squeeze time after the girl dumped US. And, I just got the call--he kissed her, and it was good. So good she's gone out and bought a new outfit.

LOL
Are we silly, or what?
The reality is...she lives in Nevada and he lives here. (I secretly hope he lures her back.)

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 7:49 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Friday, May 11, 2007

Free Paris Hilton?

Ack. I'm probably gonna upset someone by stating my politics on the Paris Hilton situation. LOL

Sometimes the world amazes me with its stupidity. You've probably heard of Paris Hilton being pulled over for driving under the influence, then subsequently going to court and being placed on probation.

She was pulled over while driving double the speed limit without a license (suspended) and has since been sentenced to serve time. That's how our system works when people blatantly defy the law.

Some yahoos decided to create a FREE PARIS petition. I cannot, in all conscience, point you to that. I can point you to the DON'T FREE PARIS petition. http://www.petitiononline.com/ph123/petition.html

Now, me, personally? I am a law follower (for the most part.) But I think the traffic laws are mostly idiocracy at work. Sure, slow down in a school zone. Maybe a hospital zone. Drive responsibly (i.e. not under the influence of mind altering substances. Get yourself a designated driver.)

But I would rather my tax dollars go to pay cops who will actually protect and serve me by catching real criminals like the drug dealers down the street that sell to teens and those damn bomber types. I think traffic violation fines go mostly to pay for the cops annoying us regular folks...

says the woman who has had two tickets for driving THREE miles over the speed limit and got pulled over outside of Houston last week for changing lanes a little too quick. That was because a cop raced up behind me in the left lane, no lights on, but super fast. I turned my signal on and got over. He slid in behind me and hit his lights. (The asshole) Said he thought I cut over in front of the semi behind us too fast. NOT HALF AS TIGHTLY as he did. It was a no money ticket. Just a warning. But I cried anyway because I follow the law and felt totally harassed.

I'm horrid, though. Once I got over my sad tears, I went to angry and wished him impotence and some terrible genital rash (the dumb bastard.) A million people passed me on that highway, one Lamborghini exotica going 110 (guestimate). Did that guy get pulled over? No. I did...for getting out of the cop's way.

And we pay these assholes? Seven people were pulled over in that ten miles stretch outside of Houston. It was the end of the month, they were working on their quotas. That's total bullshit.

I'm surprised more of them aren't popped with road rage guns and driveby's. That time will surely come if they keep up the present quota crap, don't you think?

Should I state that I'm not encouraging it but think who will be surprised when it happens more and more? Sooner or later the middle aged women of America like me will be the ones doing that. We'll just go postal and say, "NO MORE." Or something.

I think that every time I get friggin' strip searched at the airport while afghani types waltz through customs with smiles on their faces, not searched because we wouldn't want to target the profiled "most likely to bombers". It's insane. EVERY SINGLE TIME I GO ON A FLIGHT I am strip searched. When EVER did you hear of a fat middle class (low class?) white American mother of five bombing anybody? NEVER.

Who makes these stupid laws up? (Idiot men?) I say PROFILE THE BASTARDS and stop every one of the most likelies. Cavity search them, too.

Okay. I vented on that. I'm not really a racist. Just tired of being harassed when I am the least likely to...wait...if they keep pushing me...no. I am a mother of five. I have to set an example. Ya know?

Back to Paris and DUI and whatever. Where was I? Talking about drug dealers down the street?

I'm a prescription girl myself. Gimme pills that are lab certified. That aside, who cares if you smoke pot in the privacy of your home? Or have a nightcap before bed or wine with your dinner? As long as your kids and bills are not being neglected/abused/mistreated. (Which means I don't agree with doing it (drugs)while kids are in the house.)

Back to Paris...I don't think driving a little fast is a criminal act. DUI, on the other hand, endangers others. Can I encourage designated drivers too much? Or say take a cab, babe...?

I'm one of those people that watches COPS and thinks the cops are the biggest danger on the road. I mean, those high speed chases? Stop endangering the world. Let the criminal go, watch him by helicopter and when he stops for gas or to hole up, then nail him. But don't high speed chase him down MY highway. He wouldn't be driving so reckless if you weren't careening after him. (Just my thought.)

What do you think? Should I delete this post so people don't know how I really feel about police officers? Every one I know (and some are friends, btw)are buttheads. You know, wannabe types who were uncool and thought the uniform and license to pack a gun was some improvement in character.

I miss the days when I was a little girl and cops were my friends and I felt like I could ask one for help.

Once, I saw some people broke down in the desert of Nevada. I stopped and they asked if I could call a highway patrol for them. So, I drove up the road and saw one parked. I told him they needed him and he said he'd go and help. I had a bad feeling, though, so I waited until he went around the curve and I turned around, too. I came around the curve they were at just in time to see him slide in, circle them, NOT talk to them at all, and take off again. I pulled in and asked, "Did he even ask what he could do to help you?" The answer was no. I ended up going to a phone and calling someone in their family. But they had to wait a lot longer for me to do that than if he had stopped and got the info and relayed the info for them.

I file complaints on people who do that sort of thing now. He was doing nothing out there. It cost him nothing to relay the need for a wrecker.

Now, if you have a cop in the family, go ahead, build up my faith in policemen. Tell me they aren't all jerks.

Like I said, I have some friends who are cops. I feed them dinner sometimes. Gimme some stories about good cops. I'd like to tell them next time they come over.

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 6:59 AM :: 2 Comments:

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My ex-brother-in-law is an Oklahoma Highway Patrol. I have a cousin who's currently a police officer in a small town. She's applying to the OHP as well. They're both wonderful people, though I'm sure if you asked anyone they've pulled over, they'd say the two wonderful people were complete assholes. I think it's a matter of circumstances affecting perception. :)

By Blogger Jen, at 9:25 PM  

I always laugh my butt off when I get searched at airports. I always say "I'm a middle-aged mild-mannered fat woman. I've never felt so safe from myself."

By Blogger Glenna, at 9:04 AM  

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Thursday, May 10, 2007

Don't Date Him Girl.com

I woke up to some funny emails this morning. I'm sure I mentioned that my inbox is horrendous. I have three separate email addresses funneling into one box. I average about 2000 a day. Yeah, some are jokes, some are spam, but surprisingly not enough of them.

Those are easy to get rid of with a quick delete. But every now and then I come across a spam mail that is just too intriguing not to read all the way through.

The big hints in the newsletter (titled Don't Date Him Girl) are for those who are yet unattached. I thought it was interesting because it echoes the feelings of my hero in Candy Kisses and Levi's Jeans. Levi has a big trail of bad dates who talked about their past boyfriends, or the father of their children, and bad experiences, so by the time he meets Candy, he's put the word out to his cousin Erica (the one that sets them up) to say that he's looking for someone who doesn't have the baggage.

Now, I don't want you to think Levi's a jerk because he said that. He isn't opposed to meeting a woman with children or hearing about her life previous to him. He's opposed to meeting a woman who hasn't gotten over her last relationship. There is a difference. And, honestly, the older we get, the more emotional baggage we pack with us.

So, Levi gets lucky because Candy doesn't have anybody in her past that she needs to talk about. She's been pretty picky--which is why she's still single in her mid to late 20's. I say power to women who don't settle for losers just because they're lonely and want a guy in their lives.

In this email I received this morning, it talks about date etiquette and how people don't really want to hear about your one night stand in Jamaica (TRAMP!) or your old boyfriend (YOU AREN'T DONE WITH HIM APPARENTLY!). And the last bit was a little sexist. It said that a girl shouldn't bring up sex on the first date...because that suggests (again) TRAMP. The guy will either take advantage or dump you fast because he thinks you do it with everybody...even if you're saying I DON'T HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE SO DON'T EVEN THINK IT BUDDY.

Someone told me they always told guys they didn't do it until the sixth date. (Was this in a movie? I can't remember the source.) But they always gave in before the sixth date. That made the guy feel special.

I say, hold your horses, and your knees together. There are too many diseases there to give in easily. Make the guy work for it. (I like the old fashioned concept of him buying the ring and putting it on your finger with a vow first. Then you know he's there for the long haul.) It's not like you can't use a massager in the meantime to get you by. And he can do what my mother refers to as "His laundry by hand."

I'm not trying to preach abstinence here. Merely trying to encourage you to protect your heart and your body. There is a book called Women Who Love Too Much. It's about women who give and give and give and then feel bad because it isn't returned in the same measure. (I haven't read it but a friend of mine LOVED the book.)

It's okay to expect a man to give something for what he gets, imo. And vice versa.

I am not an advocate of free sex, even though I write a lot of it in my books. Those are fantasy. In real life, people get pregnant, or take home a disease, or can get hurt when they go for a one night stand with a stranger. BE CAREFUL.

Indulge your fantasies in fantasy books. Anything you might think would be cool CAN BE COOL in print, and the privacy of your safe home.

I was thinking about women giving sex for free or for nothing more than a meal and a movie. A movie? The guy didn't even have to work at conversation?

What's the difference between a woman who gives sex freely and one who makes men pay? Slut. Whore. I hate the terms. Dumb. Smarter? What do you think? Too lonely? Or too broke?

(That broke has a double entendre there.)

Let's strengthen our single friends, and give them hope that they won't be lonely forever. But make no mistake friends, even those IN relationships get lonely as hell sometimes. Loneliness is a heartache, a state of being, and you can be lonely in a room full of friends and family. Sometimes the loneliness is more profound when you are surrounded by people you know.

I think the most important thing to remember at all times is that you're not alone. There are millions of people out there going through the same emotions.
*hugs*
Carys

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Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 7:05 AM :: 1 Comments:

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That was beautifully written. I agree. Sex doesn't have to be an amusement on the same emotional level with watching TV.

By Blogger Glenna, at 9:02 AM  

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Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Contests

Hey! I pulled names for the contest winners last week before I went to Oklahoma and NO ONE has responded. Please check the archives and your newsletters. I need to know your real name and an email address to send those to, as well as your choice of gift certificate: Paypal, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or one of my publishers: Zumaya Publications, Rain Publishing, or Mojocastle.

The blog posting contest winner is JENNYBRAT.
Email me, Jenny, and let me know what type of gift certificate you'd like, and your real name and email addy. K?

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 6:57 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Prom doms

Yesterday's posts (about prom doms) over at my friend Glenna's blog beg to be pointed to.

Check it out:

Glenna's Blogs:

Food: www.afridgefulloffood.typepad.com

Personal: www.afridgefulloffood.typepad.com/gsspot

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 8:33 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Thanks! As another friend said my being immobile (knee injury) has sharpened my tongue. I hope it's a compliment. And if not, Paris Hilton and prom culture piss me off anyway. :-)

By Blogger Glenna, at 9:57 AM  

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Monday, May 07, 2007

Into Myself? Who are you?

I received a comment from an anonymous sort--one that insulted me, and I just have to wonder why people are so mean? And uncool. (Feel free to search the archives.)

Honestly, if you have an insult for me, use your real name. Let me see who is being bitchy. Let me know who my friends are. And if you don't wanna be my friend, just go away quietly. No need to be nasty. There IS a tracking option on the world wide web, ya know. Anonymous comments are NOT anonymous, no matter how much you'd like to think they are. Site owners can see what server you come from, and therefore track you to your happy little keyboard. I don't, however, care enough about the anonymous nasty poster to give them the time of day it takes to click and look. I'd rather not know the loser by name.

For the record, I don't think the world revolves around me. My world revolves around everyone I know and I think that people who have met me know that I do my best to be generous and friendly, and to include people in any circle I stand in. I invite strangers to my table, and involve people in conversation, and make introductions like crazy. Of course, no one HAS to sit with me, or listen to my tales or take advantage of my willingness to make the intros, etc.

BUT YOU HAVE TO KNOW...I am a storyteller. That's what I do. If you come anywhere near me, you will see that I tell them all the time.

I force no one to read my stories, my blogs, or my books, or sit in my company at banquets or conferences, or even in the pew beside me at church. Except my relatives--and a few friends. And I'm not even really pushy with them over stuff like that.

Recaps:
Bon Jovi? True story. He wouldn't know me from Adam today and never got my name then. But I did ride down an elevator with him at the Hollywood Sheraton Hilton years ago. I've met a few other celebrity types, too. Those stories will probably come out sooner or later. And, in most of them, I am the girl who didn't know squat. I am the one who never reads the program at conferences, but invariably ends up in the elevator or ladies room or a tight hallway (because I'm not skinny) with someone important asking, "What do you do?" or "Who are you?"

Which means I put my foot in my mouth all the time. But I laugh it off, and try not to beat myself up over it. I make a ton of mistakes. But the one mistake I don't make is that of insulting people because I'm having a bitchy day.

Or because I want to "Just put someone in their place."

As for the comment about Mensa...DUH. My IQ is 152. What's yours? (Honestly, I don't care.) You know, I like quick witted people because they get my jokes. Especially the jokes I turn on myself or about sex. BUT I have a few very low IQ people in my life that I love to pieces. IQ isn't important to me, except that it sometimes illustrates points. I AM an idiot savant on a hundred different levels.

But, I can't quote anything correctly to save my life. So, I surround myself with some seriously great people who can pull up my favorite lines from every movie I ever thought had a good point. I am amazed by people with memories like that. I hail and bow to them. I think they are gods and goddesses. And a little freaky with their abilities in that arena.

But hey...I admire them for who they are and what they can do. I'm cool with my friends bragging. I have one, right now, that likes to talk about how Kensington is looking over her manuscripts. Now, think, my friends. K JUST rejected me. But my friends know I'm cool with someone else having success where I haven't had it.

I say, it doesn't matter who goes in the door first, as long as you hold the door for the rest of the mob. Even if, or especially if, they are your groupies, friends, or minions (as Vickey loves to refer to me, and some of her other friends.)

I know this sounds a bit like a rant--probably because it is. I am SO DISAPPOINTED in people who do things like post anonymous insults. Be a man. Or (in this case) a woman with some class.

And...let me repeat, I do not think I am all that. (A woman with class.) For God's sake, I talk about sex at fancy dinners where people where sequin gowns and tuxes and kilts and faery costumes. I am NOT putting on airs.

Where do people get airs in the first place?

Speaking of first place...I won 1st place and 2nd place this last weekend (both pay money!) in writing competitions. That puts me up over 110 writing awards in just a few short years. I am assuming the anonymous poster that flamed me with insults is a jealous writer. Not that I think anyone should be jealous of me.

I sat at a table with a lot of people who won checks and certificates, so I am, by no means, the most special girl at that banquet. One guy, Lance Hawvermale, won 8 awards. This was the group at my table: Becky Cline, Adrian Simmons, Elizabeth Easter, and Lisa Willis. Other writers who have won big awards, and multiple awards at past banquets, that were at my table Saturday: Vickey Kennedy, Dion (uh, I always forget her last name!) DION is enough because I only know one DION. Ya know? Who else sat with me Philip Martin. (Scarletta Editor who sat with US by choice...not by my coercion.) And Wayne. LOL Wayne. Wayne. Wayne. What is your last name? Wyrick? (Something like that.)

I wanna say it was great to see Jen N. and sit with her for a meal. (Regular poster here, and friend I totally enjoy.)

Ah. I have other things to write. Need to get busy. Dan Case, editor of Writing for Dollars has asked to see a manuscript of mine. Wanna take bets on my rejection or acceptance? (I'll let ya know how that goes.)

Catch ya later. Or on my other blogs. Did you check those puppies out yet?

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 7:18 AM :: 5 Comments:

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5 Comments:

I looked for you yesterday before we left. I don't know if you were gone or upstairs or what. We had to meet my parents in Seminole so I could go to a family gathering (that I slept through most of -- *cringe*) so I didn't have much time to look.

ANyway...

Congrats on your wins and it was GREAT to see you. :)

By Blogger Jen, at 8:32 AM  

Congrats on the awards this weekend and all the others--dang! That's a list!

About the commenter--I guess that person's mother never told them that if you can't say anything nice then shut the hell up. That's ridiculous. We all talk about ourselves on our blogs. It's what blogs are for.

By the way, my IQ is 148 and I used to work at a hotel where every celebrity who came to town stayed. I have celeb stories too. Does that make me a jerk and full of myself because I had atwo minute conversation here and there with someoen famous? Of course not and it doens't make you a jerk either. They're just fun little stories to talk about.

By Blogger Glenna, at 10:49 AM  

I don't know what my Iq is, maybe 45.. I don't know..
What I do know is what a wonderful person you are and the changes you have made in my life as well as my family.. We love you... You are special and you are not full of yourself. You are always thinking of others..I thank God, he let you come into my life.

By Blogger Bernie, at 11:01 AM  

Congrats on the awards!! It was weird not being there, but it turned out to be a good thing. My sister had her baby this weekend.

By Anonymous Rinda Elliott, at 8:03 PM  

Congrats on the awards! Did I miss the announcement of the blog list winner?

By Blogger jennybrat, at 6:02 PM  

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Thursday, May 03, 2007

Now Available...Courting Disaster

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Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 1:53 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Thought I'd tell ya...

Mom wants to read this one after I do. She loves the cover.

By Blogger Jen, at 10:47 AM  

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The Four Stages of Life:

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This about sums it up.

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 1:45 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Oh Gawd, that's fabulous!!!

By Blogger Glenna, at 8:36 AM  

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Definitions of...

There's a billion words out there, probably, that I have never heard or don't know the definitions of...even if my vocabulary is much better than the average bear's.

I have most likely mentioned that my family is blessed with high IQ's--but that I consider us all more like idiot savants than geniuses. (Not an IQ below 125--and that's in my extended sibling network.) Why am I bringing this up again, now?

Because the son I almost never talk about has done as he often does. His first words to me this morning were, "Good morning, Mom. I was thinking about dutronium--"

Dutronium?
I looked at the ceiling above my head, wondering where I had heard that before.
Dutronium. Hm.

Oh, yeah. Lost in Space. Weren't they in search of that to power their energy cells or something?

Because I wasn't completely sure, I did a google search. And yeah, it was something made up for Lost in Space. I'll bet money Emma and Vickey knew that straight up. Probably wouldn't have had to google it. How about the rest of you? Anybody say, "Oh, yeah. I know exactly what dutronium is."...?

Folks from the sf convention COMICON were using it on their forum.

I am constantly amazed at the world wide web and what you can find.

But, what else to wandering eyes did appear?
Turns out some wisecracker (named MacDonald) in the Canadian assembly actually used the term dutronium while addressing his peers. It's even been referenced in the index to the session...which almost makes it seem like a legitimate fuel source.

I typed in FUNKY WORDS and found this site: http://orangetangerine.blogspot.com/2005/09/funky-words-english-language-needs.html

Here are a few highlights that caught my eye immediately:
pomicione is Italian for "a man who seizes any chance of being in close physical contact with a woman"

senzuri is the Japanese word for male masturbation, or literally "a hundred rubs"—compare the word for women's good times, shiko shiko manzuri, literally "ten thousand rubs" (did they get the math right?)

buz-baz is ancient Persian for "a showman who makes a goat and monkey dance together"

Just had to share.

In other news, I'm leaving for Oklahoma City today. You can catch me at the Embassy Suites on Meridian. I'll be there until Sunday. I know I'm gonna see Vickey and Jen N. there...which means I'll have friends and fun.

CONTEST INFO:
Turn in your blog list now to carys@carysweldon.com or jenntherichwriter@centurytel.net and I'll let you know who won on Monday after I compare the lists.

Newsletter contest answer for last month is REMOTE CONTROL. The winner is Teresa. Please email me so I can send you your gift certificate.

Blog posting contest winner is Debra.

Please email me at one of the above addresses to let me know what sort of gift certificate you would like: One from my publisher (Mojo, Zumaya, Under the Moon, Rain Publishing Inc.) or Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Paypal. Email me asap. I will probably send them out on Monday.

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 5:34 AM :: 3 Comments:

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You know...

I have never heard of dutronium. lol

We (being me & a friend) are planning on leaving here about noon. That should put us in Oklahoma CIty about 2-ish. Maybe 2:30.

By Blogger Jen, at 6:35 AM  

Im sorry Carys, but in reading your blog I cant help but ask if you are really as into yourself as you let on to be or is all of this an act??? And let me guess Bon Jovi is still after you too. You must be a member of Mensa and will probably be the next to win the Nobel Prize for literature. Reality check time!~

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:39 AM  

Uh, Anonymous dude(tte), how much have Carys' blog have you read?

And have you really read it or just skimmed and think you know what's going on?

By Blogger Jen, at 5:49 PM  

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Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Cover Models

Okay...I promised you cover model talk, didn't I? I've had a little trouble with this topic. I thought it would be easy to find pics of the cover models that were at RT, but I had a hard time. I DID find a couple pics. So, I'm posting the links to those. I haven't given up on showing you these guys. Just...STILL LOOKING.

First, let me point you to Jason Santiago's picture.

http://www.saswebdesigns.com/images/jasonsm.jpg
(He's the new Mr. Romance.)

Rodney Chatman was the Mr. Romance last year. Real nice guy. I don't think this pic does the man justice. http://www.kristinacook.com/images/MrRomance2006.jpg

Here's a guy named Andrei--that was Mr. Romance two years ago, I guess. I didn't meet him but you might want to. ;) http://www.patricemichelle.net/images/MG.06.JPG

Here's a pic of CJ Hollenbach, who is on a lot of Ellora's Cave covers: http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f376/aa123159/061.jpg
He's short, imo. And his hair is fly-away frizzy but down past his butt.

I don't know these guys but they came up in my online search and I thought you'd like the pic: http://www.oxygen.com/specials/contest/mrromance/images/over_main.jpg

Check out the slideshow of models here:
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.betweenyoursheets.com/nightofromance/smaller.jpg&imgrefurl=http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm%3Ffuseaction%3Duser.viewprofile%26friendID%3D98720913&h=415&w=400&sz=110&hl=en&start=30&um=1&tbnid=f7r90DHwz5B_CM:&tbnh=125&tbnw=120&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dromantic%2Btimes%2Bmodel%26start%3D20%26ndsp%3D20%26svnum%3D10%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN

Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 7:05 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Your experiences this weekend reminded me of a couple of cover models I met last year -- check out my blog for photos from last year's Fan Odyssey.

See you in Little Rock next month!

By Blogger Emma Keigh, at 2:58 PM  

Nice. ;)

And, yeah, I'd like to get to know that one in particular. lol

I'm heading to OKC tomorrow. See you there sometime this weekend.

By Blogger Jen, at 9:23 PM  

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Tuesday, May 01, 2007

A rose on my pillow

I arrived home from the Romantic Times Convention around 9:30ish last night. My husband talked to me on the phone for most of the last two hours, then came to the door the minute I pulled up, and out to my car to kiss and hug me when I arrived.

THAT was great. He made me feel so good.

Then, we talked about the thing for a bit and I caught up on what the kids did while I was away. (The son--not much. The daughter--something about a boy spinning circles in her English class while saying "I'm a dirty candy whore." Yeah. Who knows what started that?)

Not long afterwards, we went to bed. I mean, I'd been in the car for over 12 hours and was tired. Not to mention, I got very little rest while away.

What, to my eyes did appear? ON MY PILLOW was a beautiful white rose. How sweet is that?

That got followed up by pillow talk and playtime. I went to sleep feeling very glad to be home, and glad to have an air conditioner in the bedroom.

More on RT tomorrow. But let me say this...you'll wanna tune in. I'm gonna talk about Elora's Cave cover models.

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Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 6:52 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Man. Sounds like you've got you a real sweetie. :)

I'll be all ears for the cover models talk. lol

By Blogger Jen, at 7:06 AM  

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