Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Size DOES matterWe hear it all the time. Some of us adamantly tell our husbands and boyfriends, "No, it doesn't matter honey. Not at all."
And, in turn, we let them tell us that the size of our boobs and butts don't matter, and we pretend to believe they like us the way we are. (Not that I'm saying any of us lie!)
Most of us just want to avoid conflict. After all, there are some things we just can't fix. Or (plastic surgery as it is these days) can't afford to fix.
But, in some things, size matters so much that we absolutely cannot fidget on the issue. For example, if a man's thingy (you know, hangy down danglies) can't reach your G, it's important. So, someone invented a length enhancing sleeve for him to put on. I dunno if that sort of thing works. Do you? (Please! Please! Do tell if you know!)
In blogs gone by, I've complained about everything like airline seat size to, um, well everything I can think of. And that, simply, is because size DOES matter. It matters most to me because I'm what some folks would describe big and beautiful. Others would just say big. Whatever.
I stepped into an elevator yesterday at my doctor's office and was shocked to find how big it was. There were ten of us in it, and room for another dozen. You know, if the rest were skinny minnies, midgets, and children.
It was a pleasant surprise. As was getting a meal at a fast food joint that turned out to be more than I could eat. I hate leaving a meal while I'm still hungry. Don't you? I always wonder why sometimes I can eat a lot, and other times I can barely get a few bites in. I've been thinking of trying those FULLBARS. They're supposed to make you feel full. Has anyone tried them? Are they good tasting? Do they work? Somebody give'em a shot and get back to me. K?
So, on the bigger and better game, I think a car should have more head room and more leg room. I like big beds but I don't want it so big I can't find the guy I like to cuddle up next to. I like big blankets, but not so much that I lose my little yorkie and can't find her for ten minutes because she's lost under there. (Usually happens when I really gotta go to the bathroom and don't have time to play Marco Polo with her.)
I like bigger shade trees, and smaller roses, but I love big cabbage roses. I love a big steak but am good with a little salad. I love long movies, unless you're talking WaterWorld with Kevin Costner.
I love big books. If it's good, I'm happy to read and read and read. I also like anthologies with little short stories. Like Cup of Comfort for Cat Lovers (See my story Creepy Cat in there!) and Deadknots (Paranormal Mystery Anthology I did with my friend CJ Winters.) My Journal Jumpstart (by Jennifer DiCamillo) has a bunch of little short true stories from my life with short writing exercises.
My werewolf series has short stories and the tales get longer and longer as the series progresses. I figure the deeper in you get, the more you need. Am I wrong in that?
Is that true about sex?
I am currently working through the new lubricants for enhancing female pleasure to see if any of them work. Have you tried any of them? If so, please report! I'll give a blow by blow (giggle!) after I've finished checking them out. So stay tuned.
I think I've bounced off my original topic again. (What's new with that?) I was actually planning on blogging about the size of pens. Art pens and pencils to be exact. I dunno if any of you fancy yourself artists or not, but I found this pen and pencil blog and came to the conclusion that size DOES matter.
You can check it out here: http://onelonemanspensandpencils.blogspot.com/2009/02/does-size-make-difference.html
The blogger says he respects your right to differ about whether size matters or not as long as you respect his right to be an old geezer.
I thought about the term Pencil Dick and decided I needed to pull these thoughts together. Can you think of other terms for male genitalia that are sorta funny?
For the record, I personally eliminate donkey dick. That's not funny. It's scary. How ya gonna bury that? (With lots of pain?)
And, have you heard the latest term REDONKULOUS? Now, what do you think THAT means?
Labels: lubricating jelly, oral sex, pencil size, size matters
2 Comments:
Hello from Illinois,
You must have known I was looking at the fullbars. Sounds good but I haven't tried them. Meanwhile I've put all kinds of yummy goodies in my mouth. Ice cream sundae, cookie, chocolate cake, yep. Miss Piggy has been eating away instead of wasting away. Will let you know if I try the bars. Hugs, Kay
I went shopping Monday and bought, oh, I dunno...darn near every type of fiber bar or health food bars out there. And let me just say...avoid those oreo ones. I keep thinking they'll be good. I've bought them twice and if it weren't for my teenage son, who took care of them for me, I'd still be staring at the box, minus the bar I took a couple bites out of and couldn't finish.
Now you've made me hungry. You can afford a few desserts. My weight has gone back up to what it was before that last surgery. (bleck)
I'm not getting a lot of comments. I wonder if I ran people off with political discussions. I continually hear people say, "You gotta keep your opinions to yourself, so you don't offend readers."
I certainly don't want to offend anyone. I'd enjoy a lively, well backed debate. You know, if someone wanted to argue one of my points with their own reasoning. Any time, any where. Okay, anywhere as long as we're sitting, and any place as long as its a/c'd in the summer and heated in the winter. (I'm such a baby.)
By 
CarysWeldonblog, at
12:40 PM
Friday, February 27, 2009
Say what? Man dies of overdose from Viagra, but...Here's a story for ya...
http://blogs.app.com/saywhat/2009/02/26/man-28-dies-from-viagra-overdose-during-orgy/
Man dies of an overdose from Viagra because he's an idiot. Er, because he made a bet with two women. I'm sure men everywhere will blame this on the two chicks who bet the guy couldn't satisfy them for half a day.
Apparently, the guy managed to win the bet (12 hours of nonstop screwing?) but, unfortunately, just moments after he passed the happy time limit--and won, get this FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS, he keeled over.
The silly thing is probably the part where the reporter mentions that the women think the walnuts and ice cream he ate were partially to blame.
Now, as you probably have figured out by now, I am clueless on a lot of things in this world, and every day is filled with new surprises...but dammit, somebody should've told me walnuts and ice cream are aphrodisiacs. I mean, I've heard about oysters (ick, not my kind of thing) and chocolate (which gets all my rave reviews) but...
Honestly, I am NEVER gonna feel guilty about eating ice cream again. Every spoonful I slide into my sweet little mouth is gonna get an "Mm" and the quiet thought that I am doing my part in gearing up for my next sexual encounter.
It may even be a good way to get our men to hand deliver and spoon feed us. Who knows?
And...you may be shocked to hear me say this part...I'm just gonna leave the nuts out of this...this time.
But chocolate and whipped cream and...wait...I'm too old to have a cherry. (Dammit, I knew something was missing in this picture!)
Backin up here a moment (pun intended!)...the guy was a russian. I'm just wondering if anyone of you lurkers can recommend russians personally? Is that too much to ask, or should I just go and put a spoon in my ice cream and leave the world alone...?
Labels: aphrodisiac, bet, ice cream, oral sex, overdose, oysters, viagra, walnuts
3 Comments:
I don't know an Russians' just a Pollock.. And they are the very best.
How's it going??? You still need to get on facebook..I spend too much time there now..Hooking up with a lot of friends. Not from my school, I guess most aren't into the Internet thing.
I have been working on a lot of computers. We don't babysit much anymore so it looks like I will be able to spend the whole summer with David which will be just great. I will miss Kay but she can come out and visit me. And bring sophie.
Later.
I DID make a facebook page the other day, but I don't remember what I made for my login or password. I'm gonna have to play around with it to see if I can figure out what I've done. I usually try to do that thing they say you shouldn't--keep my logins and passwords pretty much the same. I change them from time to time. You know, systematically go through and change them all--in case I gave someone the key to my world...which I sometimes do when I'm needing help.
I wish I was as amazing as you at computers, Brenda.
Hey, gimme an update on Steve. He's doing well?
Ock. I gotta go. I'm treating myself to total stupidity, watching Jerry Springer. Hot Headed Hookers. It's fixin to get nasty here. The pimp is fighting with his best prostitute's brother, who wants her to quit. (Well, okay, it's more of a bitch slap fest than anything else. hehehe It's too funny.)
(Serious face here) But, of course, prostitution isn't funny. It's exploitation of women.
Oh, wait. This is too funny. The pimp and the other brother got peeled apart by the Steve bouncer lookalike. So, now the pimp says, "Man, you need to come work for me. You lookin' good in them tight pants."
It's too funny. The guy says, "Well, maybe I will."
Then Jerry says, "Really? Well, maybe you forgot why you're here. Let's bring your sister out now."
She's wearing one of those in-style micro-mini dresses. I gotta ask...does anybody know how girls manage to wear those without flashing snatch? Or panties, or whatever they've got down there?
By CarysWeldonblog, at
10:35 AM
Oh, yeah. Does the campground you go to, where you're the hosts...does it have a tenting area? Give us all directions. (Or you can email me if you don't want to post it here.)
You never know. We might show up and do a marshmallow and weeny roast. Note: I put the marshmallows first!
Ah, man. Now I want to barbecue and it's only 33 degrees here. I wonder if I can talk my son into starting the grill.
We used to have a cool park grill, but it rusted through. We had it 15 years in Nevade and it looked brand new. Barely got it out here and it rotted through the bottom plate. Then we got a propane grill but, hm, not sure what happened to it. Probably the same thing. So, now we've pulled the smoker out of the shed to use it. Already, the bottom smoker pan is rusted through for the rain--because we don't ever put anything away. (Sigh.)
By CarysWeldonblog, at
10:40 AM
Friday, January 02, 2009
MANSWERS reports on Oral Sex80% of Austrian women are willing to go down on men.
24% of women in Brazil will.
What do you think the American women percentage is? I thought it would be a lot higher than 17%, but I guess not.
So, either their stats are off, or all the men we know in America are exaggerating the number of women who enjoy and will do oral sex. And if you just wanna say no, you can toss these stats from the Manswer show at them.
I dunno how much you can trust this show...they said if your friend gets drunk and passes out/choked on vomit, or drowns/chokes on water...if you don't want to do mouth to mouth, for whatever reason (like that could be nasty?!?)...they say you can fart someone back to life.
No kidding.
I also learned how to make a stun gun/taser from a disposable camera and a couple paper clicks. I didn't know the show was so informative. I'm afraid you'll be hearing more about it in the future.
I thought it was funny. You should check it out.
2 Comments:
Fun trivia Carys! And short and to the point.
But making two posts in one day kinda makes it one long post. And in keeping with your resolution I still expect another post today, Saturday. Check you out later! Have a great weekend!
No resolutions for me. Too much work keeping them.
This comment has been removed by the author.
