Tuesday, May 15, 2007
FearsAs you probably know, I like to write my heroines with real fears. I want my readers to identify with them on some level (even if the heroine is a werewolf or in love with one.)
So, this is a general question--no one needs to feel like I'm asking for a confession. All answers can be "I know someone who fears this." But, because I am the TMI (too much information) queen, I'll do some real honesty here.
But, you tell me, what sort of things do you think women fear? Are my fears common?
I fear the loss of my husband and/or children, or other family members like parents and siblings and their kids (my nieces/nephews.) I've already lost my grandparents. Losing people I love is...well...just beyond horrifying to me. I would rather die first.
This is my second biggest fear in the world...I fear my husband cheating on me. And I fear being old AND lonely. All of these go together, I guess.
I know I can survive it, because other women have, but it's the betrayal of the heart and soul that just...floors me every time I think it is possible. I know I'm a total sap...because I can't imagine being with another man. Don't want to be. But am horrified that he might have ever entertained the idea of trading me out, or laying with another woman. I am horrified, too, that men seem to think the act is a nothing that means nothing. Am I too harlequin on this? Too much the naive Cinderella expecting Prince Charming to remain faithful for a lifetime? Am I a total ditz to believe that people can be faithful? I know it's insane but I cry myself to sleep sometimes worrying over this.
I also fear staying overweight and never feeling good about my body again. Does the body hate ever end? When I was 115 lbs and anorexic I hated myself. It's not any better now. Is death the only way to come to terms with this?
I fear the loss of limb. I'm okay with people who are missing pieces of their body, but I'm sad for them. And I really don't want to be them. (It's probably not pc to admit that. Sorry.)
I also fear disfigurement. Not that I think I'm beautiful as it is. Which is probably part of why I think it would be all the worse if I had this on top of everything else.
But, I have a dear, dear friend who was in a terrible accident when she was young and pregnant with her second child. I do not know a more beautiful woman, heart and spirit wise, but she suffers with facial scarring, and worse, a lot of prejudgment from others who have no idea that she was a victim, completely. You know, people who turn away from her without ever getting to know her.
It's hard enough to live a life being obese-- because people assume I should just eat less or exercise more and I'd get skinny. Believe me, if it were that easy, I'd be thin and healthy.
I do have hope that some day I could get a miracle. I mean, Oprah was big and now she's not. Richard Simmons, too. (Okay, he did it by surgery. So, his exercise and eating stuff is sort of a crock to me.) But you know what I mean. Others have gotten thin. Maybe I could too. I fear it will never happen, though.
I fear looking at pictures of myself--because most of the time I like to pretend like I'm not as large as I am. It's always a shock to me when I see how bad I look because, along with tmi, I am also a denial queen, I guess.
How about you? Any thoughts on things women fear?
1 Comments:
I can totally understand where you're coming from, Carys.
Most of all I fear being abandonned. When my father died in 1982, the feeling of having been abandonned was the strongest part of the grief. It was the same when my aunt passed in 1991.
I don't seem to fear my own death, though. At least I don't remember being afraid of dying when I was faced with it in some past medical crises.
I have 2 other major fears, but they're on the strange side -- hair loss and success. I don't have nightmares about waking up with my head shaved anymore (since cutting my yard-long hair last year), so I guess that one has abated.
The fear of success is, I think, pretty common among women. I think it's a big part of the reason I was an underachiever in school, and why I find it so hard to lose weight or even to buckle down and write.
By 
Emma Keigh, at
3:25 PM
