Carys Weldon Blog
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Don't church it up, son.
Believe it or not, I DO go to church. Not when I'm traveling--much--but when I'm home, I go regularly. I used to be very active--teaching for years, all ages.
But I had an experience a couple years back that has put me into a faith struggle. At what I'd call my "most faithful" period of my life--when I prayed practically all day, read scriptures, etc.--I realized that I had been judged by members of my congregation--and found "less than, or wanting." And they didn't even know my real flaws. Or that I am psychic. I'm sure that would have really got me skewered. And that was before I started writing sexually explicit escapes for all of you...and myself.
Anyhow...it seems like church is the one place you should go and be accepted and not judged. But, truth is, it doesn't matter where I go, someone judges me.
There are those who judge me for the church I go to, too. Others judge me for my weight.
Plenty of people judge me for what I write. And this is sort of funny...there are those who look down their noses when they find out I'm a poet. Others when I say I write science fiction. Others when I say I write children's books. (Yes, I write all those under other names.) It doesn't matter what I do, there is always a critic waiting somewhere to hurt my feelings or make me feel bad.
So, I put on a smile most of the time and try to slog through life. I wonder what I could do to be better, to make people like me more, to become more acceptable. It seems like a hopeless cause most of the time.
My husband will hate this post. (Sorry, hon!) But, I'm getting ready to go to church, and feeling that sick thing going on inside of me. Sometimes it would be better to avoid it. But, I'm a mom; I feel like someone has to go and give my kids a religious base.
So many of our life's major events happen in churches. Weddings, christenings, funerals. And I think that when life lets you down, it's good to have someone to pray to--because that's a hope for better every time you indulge in it. Without hope, what would we have?
So I find myself needing hope that tomorrow will be better, and I go to church, listen avidly, and wonder what I can do to center myself better in spirituality. (Even if I drag my feet on going sometimes.)
What it comes down to is this...(in my opinion)...ya can't justify judging people, or putting them down, or hurting someone's feelings by doing a "superior act." Ya can't church it up and say "you're trying to help them to be better." It isn't Christian. It isn't the way of Buddha, Mohammed, or the Pope. I don't care what religion you follow--unless you made it up yourself, but the major spiritual leaders in the history of this world never condoned a path other than personal purification. And by that, I mean we need to worry more about ourselves and remember the old glass house adage, and not throw stones.
We should love unconditionally, forgive as much as possible. (Yes, this is my mantra.)
Sermon done, I want to say...I love the friends I have who accept me as I am, who help me to laugh through the hard days, and hug me when it becomes unbearable.
Life, to me, is hard. I struggle, it seems like every day. To all of you who feel the same: *HUG*
Now. I got that out of my system. (For the moment anyway.) It's time for religious trivia.
Did you know that there's a church in California called The Church of the High Priestess? It's run by a woman, of course, and the main criteria of her male-only congregation is that they must service her with sexual favors. If they don't do it well, they are excommunicated.
I'm not kidding. It exists. Crazy, or brilliant?
My husband wants to run his own now that he's heard about it. He says he'd call it The Church of Tony.
It wouldn't work, ya know. I'm terribly jealous. Suicidal enough to not care if I killed someone and they put me in the electric chair. Might even invite that.
So, The Church of Tony has only one member in the congregation--me. (As far as I know, anyway. Anybody wanna set me straight?) LOL
Posted by CarysWeldonblog ::
7:56 AM ::
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