Carys Weldon Blog

Sunday, January 18, 2009

It was MURDER.

So, I've come back to the top to write this note. Again, I've failed at being a concise blogger. You may need to go get your lunch, dessert, and an afternoon snack, and maybe a little wine before dinner to help you through this.

(Not that I'm saying my writing will lead you to drink...but it might.)

In the beginning, there was light.

One small one in the black abyss. It was attached to a miner's fiberglass hat. You know, like construction workers wear.

There was darkness all around the world...and the only thing I could see was sex appeal staring straight at me in the face illuminated by that damned miner's light...that blinded me.

Did I mention my husband was a gold miner when I met him?
No. Really!

That did not mean we were IN THE MONEY. In fact, because we got right to the business of having our five kids, we were repeatedly broke. I didn't even know what "being in the black" meant.

Which of course brings me to think of that old adage, once you try black you never go back. I that true?

Is it true about money and sexual partners?

Not that it really matters. I seem to be ever doomed to be in the red, and nailed by an Italian to some crazy vow I made when I was nothing more than an innocent virgin. hehehe

Years into the marriage, my mother-in-law, when drunk, once skewered me with one of those looks of vehemence some Arkansas Razorback women are said to have in their gaze. With a long, pretty finger (That actually did some hand modeling back in the day), she mentioned that she knew I married her son for his gold.

Would it be amiss for me to pause here to mention her fingers are her best features?

Okay. It was terribly laughable. I didn't miss a beat. We were struggling with our bills, as always, and the trip to see his family was torture for me because every time they got drinking, his parents said something mean to me. I dreaded it more than I can explain.

I turned to him and said, "You have gold? We are long past time for you to whip it out, buddy."

He agreed with a grin.

I believe I said I might have to divorce him now that I knew he had gold hidden somewhere, since I could finally look to a possible rosy gold high money future.

In truth, he was the only one in his family who didn't get a gold nugget when he married. His dad gave his brother's wives each a gold nugget/necklace or something, too.

Needless to say, they don't like me much. And I was a good and dutiful little wife for years and years. There was no excuse for their snobbery. Except they didn't like me doing terrible things like going to church, reading the scriptures, etc.

There are several points to this story. One, you can't make some people happy. Two, no matter what you do, or how good you are, there will always be someone who looks down on you. And three, for heaven's sake, find out if the person you're marrying has a stash of cash somewhere, so you can use it to pay your bills!

My mom always said it was just as easy to love a rich man as a poor one. I dunno. Most of the wealthy men I know are assholes. I always liked the down to earth types. Farmers, cowboys, guys who scratched a living out of the dirt literally.

I think true love and sincere, hard to drag up out of the solar plexus "I Love You's" are worth so much more than financial wealth.

That said, I am NOT against becoming rich, or rolling in money padding my bed. YAY FOR MONEY, I say. SEND IT TO ME, OH WONDERFUL UNIVERSAL POWERS! I call the U.P. GOD, but you can call for money from wherever you want to.

As you know, lately, I've been hoping God uses the Publisher's Clearing HOuse's next big drawing to send me a little fortune. Whatever works for you, ya know?

I had a flashback to an episode of SNAPPED, the thirty minute show that recaps murders women have committed when they just snapped. (Who can blame them?) YAY for PMS as a defense!

??? No? Yes?

Anyhow, there was one woman who killed not one husband, but two, and would have gotten away with both, but after one of the deaths, she went to some place like Cabo with her lover/accomplice and he took a picture of her literally rolling in thousands and thousands of dollars cash on the bed, smiling her ass off. Well, okay, she apparently had smiled all her clothes off before the picture.

And I'm pretty sure some of it was totally dirty money because he didn't appear to have any clothes on when the video camera panned his thigh, or whatever.

Anyhow, the chick got away with two murders and the local police honestly thought she was a victim of two freaky, unconnected, deaths of husbands who were good guys and business owners in the community. Although, her step daughter kept insisting she was evil.

Somehow, the pictures of the bed party south of the border turned up. I believe it was the lover feeling like he might be next on the chick's list. So, the woman was tried for the second murder, convicted by the jury on the basis of the pictures which had date and time stamps. Apparently, they were taken within hours of her husband's death. They didn't think she showed enough remorse.

I totally agreed. I can't even imagine hurting someone purposefully, let alone committing cold blooded murder.

Although I totally remember watching Farrah Fawcett and that Burning Bed movie and thinking it was the right move and she should have done it a lot sooner. I also cheered or Lorena Bobbitt and was sad when her hubby's surgery to reconnet his parts actually gave him full function again. (DAMMIT)

What made me think of all this?

As I turned on my computer today, I saw a few links GOOGLE had highlighted. One that I thought you might be interested in was this:

No. Sorry. No pretty man pictures. Just a list of questions women should ask, or look into, when they meet a new guy. So, those of you on the dating scene might wanna scan the list. Those who have single friends or daughters might want to, to know what to ask about the latest boy toy in your circle.

It's actually a website that is trying to sell you an ebook. I'm not really promoting that. I just think they give one really important thing--a heads up to not necessarily trust the newbie man candy that slipped into your little arena.

Or, in the case of the women featured on SNAPPED, men (or lesbians) might find they've dodged a bullet if they do a little research before they let someone creepy into their life.

Sadly, they aren't all honorable gladiators willing to bow at the feet of a queen, to protect and honor and provide for her forever more. And all the women aren't as virtuous, lovely, and of good report like US.

As we all know, there are way too many skeevy types out there. Men (and women) who've cheated on their previous love interests. Men who've abused women physically or mentally, who may have criminal records and restraining orders in public records. Or vice versa. (Let this be an equal opportunity finger pointing post.)

We had a child molester lurking in our local writing groups. A friend of mine found him completely by accident on the internet, listed as a sex offender in our area. And when I say lurker, I mean it. The writing groups met at the local library. All too often, he was scamming the young girls.

Interesting enough, older men and women in our circles seemed to not think his crime was too bad. He was 39 and raped a 14 year old. I was horrified to hear some of them say that when they grew up, old men were allowed to sleep with teens, and some even had the nerve to imply the girl probably egged him on.

It's people like this that I want to protect my daughters, and all children from. It is NOT okay. The laws of the land are quite explicit in what is not acceptable. Under age children are not to be physically taken advantage of, even IF the adult perceives the child is interested in sexual exploitation.

Sorry. That's another one of my little soapboxes. If a girl/woman is attractive, and a man attacks her, she is NOT at fault, she IS the victim. It doesn't matter if she was wearing a bikini or Daisy Dukes or pasties and a g-string, dancing on a pole.

Men should be glad they are allowed to look without getting their eyes poked out. But it is NOT okay to touch. (Isn't that first rule of a strip club?) I'm almost sure they said that when MEN DOWN UNDER came to our town in Nevada to do the Full Monty dance at our local bar and grill.

But to be fair, this website can also prove good for men, too. All women are not honest. Some do a fair bit of abusing themselves. (I'm not talking about teasing men mercilessly by shaking her money maker when she walks or dances, or shimmying when she gets something cold spilled down her top.)

Some women have a trail of broken hearted men with empty bank accounts to show for their involvement in nefarious affairs.

Of course, we all know there are gold diggers of each gender out there. Honestly, I never thought to do a credit check on my guy, back when I was seventeen. But then, there wasn't the freedom network of info so readily available, and I was entirely naive.

Thank God I didn't get a bad one.

I was surprised to see the recommendation for seeing if the man had ever filed bankruptcy before, but it makes sense, whether you're seeing a man or a woman, because if you hook up for the long term and join names, you will take on their credit, or lack thereof, depending on the situation.

When my mom left my dad, they had a great credit rating. But her new husband had filed bankruptcy, and is a gambler and an alcoholic. She retained my father's last name so she could access the credit they'd built together, and so she wouldn't be dragged down into the lower rating her new hubby had.

On one hand, that was very smart. On the other, it seemed unfair that she could go on benefiting WITH HER NEW MAN while sporting my dad's last name and credit.

They built it together, and she was the one who actually mailed in the payments, she said, and it was perfectly legal to do so.

For us, the big issue was annoyance that she'd left our dad (cheated on him) and continued to use him to her own means. The annoyance rose further when my father married the hag from hell. I personally blame THAT on mom for leaving in the first place.

Okay, so I say that, but also agree that a woman (or anyone) shouldn't stay in a relationship where they are miserable. You don't have to live in a relationship like it's a prison sentence. There are too many people out there who will endeavor to make you happy, or that you can make happy.

We all know that some people refuse to be happy, no matter what you do for them.

Now, I say that, and wince. Nobody can make you happy. You have to learn to be happy within yourself. I find that terribly hard to do.

But I also know you can change everything for a person, trying to please them, and find you've compromised yourself, and they still aren't happy, they still want you to change again.

Why is it that people always want whatever they don't have?
Do you think people keep asking for their significant others to change just to see if you still want to try to please them?

This makes me think of a conversation I've had many a time with my husband. He doesn't care for short hair on women. Now, most of you know that a year or two ago, I had a terrible terrible perm. I had to cut my hair from waist length to my chin.

I cried for months. It's one thing to cut it when you've planned it. It's another thing to be forced into because it's breaking off in handfuls with every brush you slide through it.

In fairness to my husband, he was very kind when I was crying over it and kept saying it didn't look too bad.

But every time he complained before about a woman having a "dykey haircut" came back to me. No offense to anyone. I don't care what your bedroom habits and companionship add up to. Neither does he. It's just a term he uses. And we all know short hair is not necessarily a lesbian thing.

Sorry...I'm not always politically correct in my terminology. I still think of the Russians and Chinese and North Koreans as communists who will gang up on us if we're not careful.

We still tend to call all Asians Oriental in my family, too. I still also think of the Czech Republic and Slovakia as Czechozlavakia and have to remind myself that Prussia no longer exists, and is now Poland and Russia. Although, I don't even know when all that crap happened.

And yes, that would make the dreaded N word a part of my husband's vernacular, too. But let me say that he doesn't think everyone with dark skin is one. He happens to use that term blankly across the board to include all people who behave like ghetto scum, including white trash.

I say that, and must reiterate, I live in a single wide trailer, am quite obese, and am no one's version of a wealthy chick, or a snappy dresser. So, many may think I am Trailer Trash.

I think lots of people live in trailers, are overweight, and may have little cash but are NOT trailer trash. SO, please, take no offense. I can not, in good conscience, call the kettle black, or el negra, or any other shade of ebony since I am the proverbial pot.

Those who know my husband, know he's a redneck cowboy type, and old fashioned. On top of that, he's italian. So, what is that? A triple dose of "I know what I like and I have no problem telling people when they don't fall within the range of my appreciation?"

And we all know that there are many, many cute short haircuts and styles out there in the wide wide world. Many are very chic. A lot of hetero women wear their hair shortly cropped, and look good.

Hell, Sinead O'Conner, Demi Moore, and Britney Spears all looked great bald.

But my husband regularly asks me, "Why do women cut their hair short like that?" He truly subscribes to the biblical concept that a woman's hair is her glory...or something like that.

This, from a man who is bald on top. No offense to bald men, or him, either.

We are all entitled to our opinions, likes and dislikes. I, for one, like Vin Diesel and Yul Brenner, and the guy who plays Jean Luc Picard on Star Trek: Next Generation.

I think a man's sex appeal is all in the way he handles himself, not in whether or not he has hair up there.

But, honestly, hair on a man's back isn't very appealing. I like the new trend for men to be body waxed from head to toe, although it looks horribly painful, and I couldn't talk my Italian Stallion into doing it to save his life. (hehehe--I tried! Er, I keep hinting at it.) He usually gives me a flat, "Are you crazy?" But the answer to that is YES. So, sometimes he varies it with, "Okay. Right after we wax you from head to toe. Lay down, I'll get the wax and...we'll start at the pubic area."

Okay, so...NO.
Although, I hear laser removal in the peri area is a good way to clean up for the bikini season, especially for those who don't have a partner willing to help them get the strays and stragglers.

Hm. Those naked hairless chinese pussies come to mind now. Cats, I mean. The ones that are kinda ugly but hypoallergenic?

Here's something that I think is funny. My four daughters and I wanted to compare all the hair removal products, including waxing, Nair, Epilstop, etc. So, I went down and bought a fortune worth of that crap, and we applied it in sections to his face and neck. We figured his skin was much tougher than ours, and could take what appeared to be very painful to us.

Well, between us, we drew tears to his eyes. Waxing a man's beard is not a good plan. And it hurts like hell on a very hairy arm, or back even. Nair ain't no good for men skin neither, if the hair is rooted in old man italian skin. And the E stuff? Holy cow. That can even make a grown man cry.

Not that I'm admitting HE cried. hehehe
Or that I've ever taken joy in the moment. hahaha
(But I know my girls laugh over it every time they bring it up.)

But, a man's beard does seem more entrenched in the follicle field (or whatever you wanna call it.) So, it takes longer exposure, but that causes a rash, or razor burn effect which is horribly painful (so I hear.)

One of my daughters recently bought that kit they're advertising on tv, and is for sale at Walgreens. You know, the thing that you swipe over your leg to remove hair. It works, but it isn't painless. It works by yanking the hair out. My husband tried it on his arm, I think, and said it reminded him of his day under the wax and nair know, before he shivered.

Just kidding. The man never shivers. He's a rock. He works in icy below freezing temperatures and sometimes doesn't wear a hat or gloves. He's insane.

But then, I've already established I'm crazy. See why we're so perfectly suited to each other?

And all that without a background check. But then, he had top clearance at the Nevada Test Site during the nuclear testing years. So, he'd already been checked out.

And, of course, I checked him over from head to toe many of know, just to make sure he was all on the up and up, and all that.

But even with all that, I will admit, the man leaks. He's got this tiny hole in his radiator hose... but that's another topic for another day. ;) Have a good one!

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Posted by CarysWeldonblog :: 7:15 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Isn't it sad that you even have to think about someone's history now.. We went bowling with the 5 grandkids and our two chilren.Now you can't let the kids go to the bathroom or drink counter by themselves.. Didn't have to worry about that in my days.. And it didn't cost over $60 to bowl two games. I couldn't believe it.We were thinking of ordering in Pizza but decided to eat before we went bowling. I am glad.

We had a neff war on Friday night. We have about 10 neff guns, a blew gun and a crossbow.. I used the crossbow, it hurts the most.. Poor Rob and David. NOT! I was doing was laundry and found 4 darts in the washing machine..
I know how you fell about your in laws but I have or had great in laws, it's my Mother who wasn't nice to me. At my Aunt Lois's funeral, letters were written by her grandchildren and they were funny and how a mother grandmother should be. I asked Becki if you could remember good moments with my Mom and she couldn't. And I don't think the other grandchildren but one would have any thing good to say either about Mom.. Rob and Becki would have wonderful memories of my Dad, he was the best. He was giving, not my Mom. They both had good memories of my Aunt Lois and Uncle Ed.
I am glad that the cold is leaving..I hate to see our heating bill... Jennifer did your pipes freeze this time, I remember you had problems last year?
Back to laundry... Love ME.

By Blogger Brenda, at 12:31 PM  

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