Carys Weldon Blog
Friday, May 08, 2009
Remembering our Moms...
This post is for women. Men will probably say, "What up? There's no sex in this post." But then, given the topic, who wants sex and their Mom talked about in the same sentence or blog?
If you decide you don't want to read one of my book length posts, by all means, skip to the last paragraph or so and get the recapped version.
I know my kids go blind and deaf and sing "Lalalala" at the very thought that I'm not a virgin, that I'm not really Mary, Mother of God...although they DO believe they are totally akin to heavenly beings. (Angels? Fallen Angels?) I keep swearing I am, too, but apparently my halo has slipped (when my mouth first opened?)
Anyhow, you know what weekend it is. Come Sunday, whether you are getting along with your Mom or not, whether she is living or not, you will probably be thinking about her...or adamantly trying to put her out of mind.
I'm sure my five kids will be torn between all that. One may be wishing I was
dead, who knows?
The idea is sad--now that I'm seeing it from the Mom's viewpoint. If you remember, last year I mentioned that one of my daughters boycotted me for my birthday and Mother's Day, which happen to fall on top of each other. I cried and cried and cried. Have you been on either side of this door? Both sides are cold, aren't they?
The point isn't to whine. It's to say...I have gone years where I didn't talk to my Mom for Mother's Day or her Birthday (both in the same month, too.) I never did it out of meanness, though. I did it because I made myself sick over the idea of listening to her go on about how wonderful my two sisters are. It seems that no matter how good I was at anything, it wasn't ever as good as they were. Am I alone in this sort of thing?
My mother never reads this blog, but I like to publicly apologize--to her, for not being everything she wanted, and better than I am. And to my daughters for maybe being too much like my mom, or worse, being like no other mom in the history of mouthy moms--in any case, someone to avoid for whatever reason. And to my Mother-in-law for not being the best daughter-in-law in the world. God knows I tried. Although, I have to admit, my husband's youngest brother has a wonderful wife who holds her tongue. EVERYONE loves her, even me!
I'm just saying, life as a woman, mother, daughter, wife, daughter-in-law...they're all hard. *Hugs to all of you.*
It's funny how we can love our Mother's but spare them only a few calls a year. Some of us may visit even less. I'm always impressed by those who have wonderful relationships with their mothers, and never admit to strained feelings. I don't know how they do it. Although, I wish my girls could all say that. But then, I voice my opinions when I see them doing things I taught them (for 18 years!) to not do...and that doesn't make me the most popular person in the family. But what do you think, should a Mom stop being a parent and voicing those things just because the kid had another birthday?
I wish I could cut my tongue out, usually, after I leave the situation and go through self-recriminations. But then I go and watch something like WIFE SWAP and see the other end of the spectrum--the moms that don't set any rules.
I want to believe that scripture in the Bible that says (paraphrase) "Train up a kid in the way they should go and they'll not depart from it. Or, they might, but they'll circle back around, given enough time, and kids of their own."
I actually like to flip to the next page and read the scripture that says to beat your kids. Okay, I think it actually says something more about sparing the rod spoiling the child. I swear, I was NOT a child beater. But, I honestly think the urge to do it comes up more as they are adults than when they were younger. Think it's my patience getting old?
I hope that circles back around by the time I get some grandkids.
Back to my original thought...about Moms and remembering them...I was looking at flowers online and got sidetracked by wedding flowers and then went down THAT merry little lane. Remember, I have four daughters, only one is married. I dream A LOT.
Anyhow, that led me to a page with an article about how to honor loved ones who have passed away. (Crossed over, died, whatever you want to call it.)
You can read it here: http://weddings.about.com/b/2009/02/18/acknowledging-a-deceased-parent-at-your-wedding.htm
But BEWARE, you will probably get choked up before you're half way through the suggestions people have shared about how they honored loved ones. That'll come about ten comments after you wonder if some of the dolts bothered to read the previous ones about lighting a candle. Some of the ideas were precious enough to read through the repetitions.
Near the end (in case you get bored and wonder if there's anything new the bottom of the list), some photographer guy suggests photoshopping your dad in...first in regular form, and then if you don't like that idea, just make him look ethereal, like a ghost. I actually thought that was worth smiling over.
Anyhow, if you're missing your Mom, or anyone else this month (thinking ahead to Memorial Day), you might want to incorporate a concept into your home. Obviously, the candle idea always floats.
But, if your Mom's still here, think about calling her. My husband's mother had cancer/surgery/chemo last year and I've been thinking a lot about the fact that it's nice she's still here, and they're talking a lot more, like when he's driving home from work. (Half hour commute.)
So, I guess I just want you to take a few minutes to appreciate your mom for SOMETHING. Call her if you can stand it. Send her flowers last minute if you haven't already, and can afford it. But really, the call is GOOD. Make it cheerful and upbeat, and bring up some funny memory. Keep it short if you have to. And maybe you could send up an extra special prayer in thanks afterward. Thanks you had her around for one more year to hear her voice. Thanks the call is over. Whatever.
Just remember one thing...bringing somebody into this world is never a painless thing. If pregnancy doesn't tear you apart, labor probably will. I mean, really, delivering a bowling ball size head doesn't come easy. And if you were lucky enough to be knocked out for the ordeal, you still had to wake up to the incision. And ALL moms have to deal with crying babies, night feedings, dirty diapers (that alone should get us into heaven!) Although, I have to say, those night duties seem so much more preferable to adult night duty where you wonder/worry about your kids and have no control over where they are, who they're hanging out with, or what they're doing.
So, just...give your Mom a break. Or be nice to someone else's mom. Or strain yourself to think of a nice thing about a mom, a good memory or whatever. And, if you come up short, GOOGLE. ;)
Labels: call your mom, immaculate conception, Mom, mother's day
Posted by CarysWeldonblog ::
6:54 PM ::
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