Carys Weldon Blog
Sunday, December 17, 2006
JokesOnions and Christmas Trees
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how
many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well,
son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her 20s, a woman's breasts
are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like
pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like
onions". "Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife
and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies'
are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a
man goes through three phases. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak
tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch,
flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas
tree". "A Christmas tree?" "Yes -dead from the root up and the balls
are just for decoration."
Wages of sin
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return her father cursed her. "Where have ye been all this
time?
Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call?
Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a
prostitute...."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this family."
"OK, dad, as ye wish. I just came back to say a Merry Christmas to ye
and give mum
this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a
$5 million savings certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy,
the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's
parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a
breath)....and an invitation for yeall to spend New Years Eve on
board my new yacht in the Riviera and...."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" he asks.
Girl, crying and sniffling again, "A prostitute dad" Sniff, sniff.
"Oh! Bejaysus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! Oi thought ye said
a "Protestant". Come here and give yer old man a hug."
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