Carys Weldon Blog
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
PORN WARNING: Top Twelve Reasons Married Couples Stop Having SexIs this happening at your house?
(I saw this on a SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP SITE while looking for fun (romance boosting) things to post. I'm not thinking this is very funny, but might be helpful, so here it is.)
I think the list was written by a woman who is definitely against porn, although there was no byline but there was a "copy and post as you please" signature at the bottom.
The Sex Therapist responses were progressively more crude, (and questionable AND anonymous) but some were funny. I actually read the whole damn thing. (Usually I skim.)
PORN AFFECTING YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
It happens every day, all over the world. Relationships are failing. I think it is a lack of communication. I think relationships degrade when examples of porn are used to liven up sexuality.
Sound familiar? Is it a problem you've dealt with, or are dealing with now? You may want to get your partner to read this, and take a little responsibility for the failing stability in your sexual relationship. And, wow, if you or your partner is guilty of all of these things, get a grip. Not on somebody's manhood. On your sensibility!
The twelve reasons listed below were compiled through a six month screen at a "Marriage in Danger? Forum" where people posted anonymously.
DISCLAIMER (from original post):
Remember this: Relationships take two to fail or survive. Sometimes a relationship is only longterm because one person is a masochist. If they aren't a willing submissive, though, they will eventually get the guts to walk out.
Sex Therapist responses are numbered:
12. Someone thinks foreplay is talking crudely.
1)IN FACT, crude conversation shows a lack of respect, and if done often enough will lead the partner(s)to have low self-esteem.
2) "I'm gonna fuck you hard, bitch!" and "Suck my dick." are not, actually, turn-ons to women, moron. And "Fuck off!" is not a come-on if she says it.
3) Go ahead. Talk dirty. Be a nasty fucker. You know she likes it. Even if she cries later. COME ON. Think before you open that mouth.
11. Someone thinks the other partner's disinterest is the other person's fault, or problem, and that it doesn't have anything to do with how THEY have treated the partner.
1) IT IS A PROVEN FACT that one person's disinterest in sex is a direct result of how their partner treats them in bed, and out. People should review a few things, and realize that a partner not having interest, or not having orgasm, means the partner is not pleasing them properly in one or more areas. Usually, orgasm is connected to feelings of pleasure toward the partner. When someone is dissatisfied on an emotional level, orgasms are harder to achieve and sometimes impossible.
2) If you're a total dick, and she gets tired of playing your head games, it is your fault she doesn't give a shit about you, or what you do.
3) Be honest with yourself. You know you're a total shit. On one hand you might think they're being a baby. But on the hand you fuck yourself with, you know you've fucked your partner over too many times for it not to be spilling out in bad jism all over you. Thank God the seeds you planted aren't all kids.
10. Someone thinks porn is foreplay, and expects their spouse to perform crude acts against all society teaches.
1) LET'S FACE IT...The world gives us many opportunities to see extremes and extremists. Those people participating in those acts are in search of some adrenalin flow, or enjoy giving/receiving pain. This speaks to deeper emotional problems. I'm sorry to have to explain this, but sadism, masochism, bondage, and roleplay are examples of warped psyche. While on the surface, it seems "fun" to play around the edges of these live action role plays, the reality remains that certain acts are painful to the receiver, like sodomizing or fisting a female. Anything that makes a person bleed or cry out in pain is over the line. Partners sometimes submit because they are trying to please but it was wrong for them to be put in that position. The most common result is tears, and the "perpetrator" (penetrator?) getting angry at being held responsible.
2) You bend over, grab your ankles, and hang on while I ram a dildo up your ass. Or let me clamp something painful to your tits or balls. And if you like it, you're either a masochist, or a fag. Doing the first to your female partner constitutes sodomy which is against the law. Doing the second is considered abuse and is punishable in court if she ever chose to bring charges. Women should not be asked to do these things.
3) This always gets me. Fuck you and the circus elephant you rode in on. You need it tighter? Are you a closet homo? Try choking your own chicken permanently, then maybe you'll get a grip on what it means to have consequences. Would you like your partner to expose your perv tendencies? It takes nothing to call the cops, or confess at church, moron. Some things should NOT be considered, and you need to lop those thoughts off fast before someone gets a knife and castrates you. Your thoughts CAN be dangerous. What's that? You like bestiality? Is that because you don't have a donkey sized dick, or what?
9. Someone gives in to the pressure, just to make the first person happy, and then can't stand themselves for being "immoral."
1) WE KNOW GUILT is a hard thing, but going against one's upbringing IS a powerful depressant. The initiating partner needs to understand that they are responsible for the depression. IN A PERFECT WORLD, people are strong enough to say, "Go fuck yourself." But in reality, very few do that when trying to please a partner.
2) A person's upbringing may be full of bullshit, but the standards ingrained in them are mental foundations. Crumbling them can be devastating. The person responsible should have to stick around and pick up the pieces.
3) You might not fucking care how your partner was raised. You may want to change their way of thinking. But who the hell made you God? If thousands of generations say something is wrong, and you've tried it, and it's painful to your partner, you can't blame your partner for believing what they've been taught, or being angry at you.
8. Someone thinks porn is foreplay, and doesn't have the cock to match.
1) If you don't have equipment and skills to brag about, you'd be better off not to give your partner something to compare you to.
2) Sorry, boys. If you keep mentioning big dicks, or putting the pictures/videos in front of your girl, you have to see that she is eventually gonna do the inch counting. If you don't measure up, you are going to be sorry for this mistake. She may say size doesn't matter, but this is a case of measuring, and dick size is proportionate to brain function here. Don't do it. Or stop doing it. And, if you've already fucked up, get your tongue moving. Sweet talk. Pleasure with it. Whatever you have to do to make up for your shortcomings.
3) This is the whole donkey dick thing again. Penis Envy is a sad thing. The more you watch porn, the smaller your cock will look. Get over it. Stop watching. Or are you just dreaming? Wishing you were the guy in the film? The guy with every STD out there? You are too fucked up. You know that, don't you? SEE the truth. It doesn't even dangle between your legs.
7. Someone thinks porn is foreplay, and spends time looking at it instead of sweet talking their partner.
1) THIS IS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM I see in relationships, because it is a form of "lack of communication." Porn is NOT foreplay. Sweet conversation is.
2) If you can't get your rocks off without looking at porn first, you need to see a doctor. Your hormone and mineral levels are down. Society may say that "lots of men" have erectile problems, the truth is, those are caused by imbalances in the body. Do yourself and your partner a favor and spend your time at a doctor's office instead.
3) Life is a bitch. Or your wife is. That's because she knows affection is more than a couple of words. It's body language, respect, and a few other things you might try working on. Birthday PRESENTS. GIFTS given NOT BECAUSE YOU SCREWED UP AGAIN. Small touches and smiles to show you still like your partner. Give it a try. You might be amazed at the way the sun will shine down on you.
6. Someone thinks porn is foreplay, tells their partner, and she feels incapable of being a porn star, since she looks like a housewife with kids.
1) THE REALITY IS women already have body issues, and self-esteem problems related to the way they are built. Real women don't compare to actresses chosen for their physical attributes. The fact that women are made to feel even worse, asked to wear things that they feel awful in, or compared is just plain wrong.
2) Let's face it, butthead. Some fantasies should be kept to yourself. You want her crying all the time? Stop putting bombshells in front of her as something to aspire to. If she can't lose five pounds, she'll never feel good in a string bikini. If she can't pay her bills, she sure as hell isn't gonna get it together to pay for fake boobs. Unless you're a benefactor? But, wait. Why would she want to be with someone that wants her to go through the pain of that? Shooting her in the head repeatedly would be less painful than your requests for her to perform like some WELL PAID whore. Cough up more bucks and get yourself a hooker, and a lawyer, because you'll need one if you're that stupid. The grass isn't greener elsewhere. Pussy isn't sweeter on the next block. And your dick doesn't get bigger if you shave the hair around it. Sorry to have to point that out to you.
3) I'm sad over this. You don't look like a centerfold, do you? Why would you put this pressure on your partner? Go. Right now. Tell your partner that you like the the way they are. Reinforce the idea in your own head that you are both growing older, and not as pretty as you used to be.
5. Someone thinks porn is foreplay, and expects their spouse to perform circus contortion acts.
1) DO YOU REALIZE that very few people, per capita, can even touch their toes. If that is the case, why is there a question of one partner even trying to wrap ankles around their head, or back bend while performing something most comfortable for both partners in a missionary position...? Don't suggest this shit unless you're the one willing to do the contorting.
2) I think I addressed this before. YOU bend over and grab your ankles, asswipe.
3) Circus acts? That makes me laugh AT YOU. Dogs are hard to train when they get older. Everybody says it. Are you paper trained? Or do we need to put you in a cage somewhere? You're LION to yourself if you think a partner will jump through hoops and not get resentful. WAKE UP fuckhead.
4. Someone spends time looking through singles personal ads.
1) HOW STUPID can a person be? This tells their partner that the relationship is doomed, you're bored, and on your way out the door because you are OBVIOUSLY LOOKING FOR A REPLACEMENT.
2) If your partner finds out, they'll be looking too. If they find you out there, don't be surprised if your girl turns into Lorena Bobbit.
3) Hell yeah. Look at those hot bods. How ya gonna get that, though? Look at yourself in a mirror. You are NOT what a hottie is looking for unless you have cash, lots and lots of cash. You are SO lucky you have someone putting up with your shit. Realize it.
3. Someone spends time looking through voyeur and couples/swingers personal ads.
1) IF YOU DO THIS and leave evidence where a partner can see it, you will put more stress on an already unsatisfying relationship. You might put the idea in your partner's mind, which is the assumed hope. But in all the sessions I've held where this came up, it sent the second person in search of a third party--a divorce lawyer. While the concept of watching others, or having threesomes, or swapping, might seem fun to one, it is a death knell to the relationship. It tells your partner that you are unhappy and looking around.
2) Am I the only one getting tired here? Why would a monogamous person want to be with someone who is obviously dreaming of a lifestyle outside of what they are willing to give. This is a guaranteed way to end your relationship. I hope your partner finds out what a fucking loser you are and goes to get someone that is dreaming of a faithful type of partner. The faithful partner is almost impossible to find these days. If you've got one, you better dig your head out.
3) If those other couples were good in bed, do you think they'd be advertising for others to come in. That's just sad. You don't really think it's about you watching, did you? It's because he can't please her. His dick isn't getting hard enough. Is that because of her? Or the disease they picked up from the last joker that answered their ad?
2. Someone answers the sex ads and offers to meet people, just to watch.
1) THE INITIAL CONTACT may be with the sole interest of watching others, but it is the first step on the path to separation and divorce. You have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to see that the whole world is looking for a committed relationship, and those who don't have it are the ones trying to reel people in.
2) Set it up, idiot. Go. Have a good time. If your partner finds out, they won't believe you didn't touch or participate. Get ready to sign your belongings away. Adultery is still against the law. You can lose everything you have and never appreciated it, and you will have no one giving you sympathy. What is the matter with you people?
3) I'm with number 2 on this one. Go. Enjoy the moment while it lasts. Write FUCKHEAD on your forehead before you go. That way they can tell you apart from the other losers. Statistics say that 89% of watchers join in on their first experience. So, get your syphillis shot on the way over. And set up your HIV test on your way home. A condom is not enough protection. Sorry to be the one to enlighten you. That's a government panic controller. You go. You play. You get something. That's why the hell more than half the population in the US has HPV now, and why all of fucking Africa has AIDS.
1. Someone makes a stupid comment about how their partner isn't pleasing them well enough...which makes them give up trying altogether.
1) I FIND that couples I counsel can usually trace the lack of interest, or willingness to work through things goes back to a single sentence. Usually, one partner asks for more than the other is willing to give, or can give in good conscience. Where one individual thinks they are expanding the horizons of the other person in the relationship, they are really undermining what is good between the two people. I wholly encourage people to communicate, and talk about what pleasures them, but insulting a partner's way of making love isn't a positive move.
2) What goes around comes around. Bad karma is just that. If you really want your partner to please you, tell them what you like, not what you don't. Try to do what they like for them. Show you care about their feelings, and preferences, and they will reciprocate. But don't be a bonehead about it. Don't say it like, "Tell me your fantasy." Females tend to throw out what they think you want to hear if you say it like that.
3) The dumb thing here is, if you're an ass that puts your foot in your mouth, you will always do this sort of thing. You'll ruin every relationship you try to get. Maybe you should give up on going for multiple partners and spend a little time on improving your conversational and suck up skills.
Labels: communication, insults, marriage, porn, relationships, sex, sodomy, top ten list
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